[Neurons] 2020 Neurons #9 ABOUT FALLIBILITY AND GOAL SETTING

[Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall 

2020 Neurons #9

March 2, 2020

2020 Vision series #9

 

 

UNDERSTANDING & MISUNDERSTANDING

ABOUT FALLIBILITY

 

When you set a goal, a vision for your life or for this year-remember that
you will be making mistakes.  After all, you and I are fallible human
beings.  This is a good thing, a really good thing.  Being fallible and
embracing your fallibility, in fact, this is what makes you human, it also
makes you real and loveable.  Yet many people fear it, dread it, run from
it, pretend that it is not so, and use all sorts of defense mechanisms in an
attempt to escape it.  If we ask, Where do all of these responses come from?
The answer is obvious, from misunderstandings about fallibility.  That then
leads us to another question, What do we misunderstand about fallibility?

                                          

First, there is the misunderstanding that being fallible means being
deficient as a human being.  Now it is certainly true that we all experience
the feelings of deficiency about all sorts of things.  After all, we are not
sufficient to do everything or to be everything.  If we are measuring
ourselves by others, especially by those who are especially skilled or
competent in a given area, then of course we will feel deficient.  But
deficiency in a given area is not the same thing as being deficient as a
human being.  All humans are deficient in numerous things and is inevitable
and okay.  What's not okay is to assume perfection or think that it is
possible.

 

Second, misunderstanding that confuses fallibility with negative emotions.
Actually, to be fully alive and fully human is to experience not only the
full range of positive emotions, but also the full range of negative
emotions.  And negative emotions are good.  Without them, we would not have
a strong kinesthetic aversion to things that can be dangerous.  The
so-called "negative" emotions essentially provide us the move-away-from
energy within our mind-body system so that when we find that something does
not fit our mental model, we are equipped to make a change.

 

Fallibility, which literally means "liable to error," is an essential
condition of being human.  It is essential in that it is a built in
condition for being free, for thinking, for problem-solving, for learning,
for growing, etc.  If we were not "liable to error" we would be completely
determined and have no choice, not even the choice to make a mistake.
Without that determination we have room or space within our minds and
actions to make other choices.  And to have that freedom means to be free to
make mistakes.  This is our glory.

 

Are you wondering, How can making mistakes be a glorious thing?  The glory
is that we can learn.  We can test something, see what works and what
doesn't and constantly learn better.  This is the foundation of science.  It
is the basis for the ongoing development of the human race.

 

Yet how much parenting and schooling conditions us to fear mistakes?  It
seems endemic- in nearly every family and in every culture.  The problem is
that with that fear is that not all mistakes are the same.  There are all
sorts of mistakes- they range on a continuum from minor inconsequential
mistakes to fatal mistakes.  There are also mistakes in all domains-
mistakes of the mind, of the mouth, of actions, of relationships, etc.

 

With mistakes, we can also ask about the intentional state of mind of the
person who made the mistake.  Was it an accident or was it intentional?  Was
the person just clumsy and awkward in handling something?  Were there other
factors involved (weather, health, relationships, pressure, etc.)?  Was the
mistake a result of a plan to harm someone or destroy something?

 

These distinctions give you critically important questions to ask when you
or someone else makes a mistake.  

           What is the mistake?  How is that considered a mistake?

           How big or small is the mistake?  What are the potential
consequences of the mistake?

           In what domain is the mistake? 

           Who made the mistake?  How knowledgeable and/or skill is that
person in that domain?

           Was the mistake an accident or intentional or some mixture of
the two?

           What is needed to correct the mistake?  How long will that take?
How much effort will be required to correct the mistake?

 

When we engage in "trial and error learning," we are using mistakes to
learn.  Sometimes this is the best way to learn- try something, see what
happens, reflect on what to do, or what else one can do, and try it again.
A big mistake that has lots of negative consequences need to be recognized
as soon as possible and the person needs to make things right as quickly as
possible.  That's about responsibility and ownership.

 

Mistakes- an inescapable fact of life and therefore one that we need a good
relationship to.  That's especially true if you are a parent- as you enable
your children to learn from mistakes and not fear them.  If you are a
manager and enable your people to own mistakes quickly and responsibly.
Perfectionism is the myth, the fallacy, the lie, and the goal that will
defeat you in the long run.

 

 

 

 

 

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton CO. 81520 USA

www.neurosemantics.com   

 

The stunning new history of NLP--- NLP Secrets.  

Investigative Journalism which has exposed what has been kept secrets for
decades. 

http://www.neurosemantics.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/NLP-Secrets-2_sml2.
png

 

 

 

 

 

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