[Neurons] 2019 Neurons #51 DISTINGUISHING FRAME AND FEELING

[Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall

2019 Neurons #51

November 18, 2019

How to be a 

Professional Communicator #6 

 

THE SIXTH DISTINCTION

OF A PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATOR

 

 

Distinction #6: DISTINGUISHING ADVOCATING AND INQUIRY 

When it comes to communicating, there are dozens upon dozens of things you
can do with words.  Two major categories are advocating and inquiry.  You
advocate by asserting, saying your truth, making a proposal, giving advice,
etc.  You inquire by asking questions, curiously wonder about things,
closely observe, seeking first to understand, etc.

 

In the advocating / inquiry differentiation, most people say that the first
feels much more powerful.  It feels powerful to take a stand and assert your
ideas.  It feels strong to tell, assert what you think, give advice, teach,
preach, pontificate, consult, etc.  When you operate from your model of the
world, you advocate and urge others to do the same.  And, true enough, there
are times for this.  There are situations in which you may even get paid for
this.

 

Similarly, for most people the other side of this distinction feels less
powerful.  When you are inquiring, asking questions, exploring, seeking to
gather information, and seeking to understand, you come from a place of
openness. You give yourself a chance to understand a different point of
view.  Yet, questioning is actually a hundred times more powerful than
asserting.   This is due to the nature of the brain, as "the ultimate
answering machine."  Put a question to a brain and it has a compulsive need
to come up with an answer.  Place a question in a brain, especially one that
it cannot immediately answer, and the brain will go into overdrive seeking
an answer.  That's how powerful posing a question can be.

 

How different with a statement.  When you start from the premise that you
know, that you have the answer, then instead of searching, you advocate what
you already know. You default to what you have already mapped out.  A common
use of advocating is to use ideas as an initial offense against other ideas.
You race onto the field of ideas and put yours out there first, forcing
others to acquiesce or to be on defense.  And while that sounds like a good
strategic approach, it is not.  That's because there's a problem with
thinking that you know.  When a mind knows, it develops a vested interest in
that knowledge and automatically seeks to eliminate ideas that go against
it.  That's why telling typically evokes the ego-defenses so others will not
even consider an idea, no matter how brilliant.

 

Conversely, asking questions offers an approach which allows each person to
think through an issue and come to one's own conclusions.  Master
communicators not only ask questions right out of the gate, they ask
questions about questions.  With questions they curiously explore meaning,
significance, intention, possibilities, etc. in a search for truth.
Socrates did that two thousand years ago operating from the premise that
people know more than they know that they know.  Today we ask Socratic
questions to help people find their own answers.  This is what any expert
coach does.

 

Professional communicators ask questions- lots of questions.  They gather
information rather than jump in and speak with only partial knowledge.  They
know that they way to begin anything is with intelligence gathering.   And
they do that because they fully know that they do not know it all.
Professional communicators also know how to advocate- to argue for a point
of view, yet more important, they know when to do that and when not to.
They also know how to do that with grace and charm.

 

The best communication with anyone comes through a balance of inquiry and
advocacy.  If only the politicians who debate would do that!  They are so
committed to talking and talking and talking, that they almost never ask
questions.  When they do, they ask rhetorical and manipulative questions.
If only they would ask what the other person means by their words.  If only
they would ask to gather information before making professorial
declarations.  And this goes for all of them.

 

Inquiring and advocacy- what's a good proportional balance between them?
How about 80/20?  Inquire 80% of the time and advocate 20% of the time.  Do
that and you will be on your way to becoming a great leader- a leader who
can win the minds and hearts of those you seek to influence.

 

              [For more, see Unleashing Leadership (2009)]

 




 

 

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton CO. 81520 USA

www.neurosemantics.com   look for the special offer

 

Author of the stunning new history of NLP--- NLP Secrets.  

Investigative Journalism which has exposed what has been kept secrets for
decades. 

http://www.neurosemantics.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/NLP-Secrets-2_sml2.
png

 

 

 

 

 

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