[Neurons] 2017 Neurons #47 The Conversation That You Can't Have
Michael Hall
meta at acsol.net
Mon Oct 16 12:04:32 EDT 2017
From: L. Michael Hall
2017 Neurons #47
October 16, 2017
THE CONVERSATION
THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE
Lots of conversations are easy and breezy, we chat away, gossiping a little
here and there and seldom do we even remember much of what was said. Such
are light and shallow conversations. Then there are the serious
conversations- those that make a difference in life, that create turning
points, asking someone to marry us, accepting a job offer, deciding to move
to another city. Then there are the difficult conversations- those are the
conversations that we really do not want to have, perhaps due to fear of
hurting someone's feelings, evoking their wrath, being unable to handle what
may come up, etc. Those we often put off and off and off hoping to never
have them.
Then there is another category of conversations. They are they ones that go
nowhere and that make us think that we simply live in a different universe
than the other person. These impossible conversations arise due to the
presuppositions that the other person begins with, the premises that they
assume, and that they refuse to even consider as open for discussion. A
current one that's occurring on the mainstream media these days concern a
pseudo-subject in the first place, "racism." And yet by assuming that it
exists, those who think this is the answer to every problem cannot even
acknowledge the assumptions that they bring to the conversation.
Since we can't have a real conversation without defining our terms, let's do
that. Let's start with the word "race" and "racism." We can't do critical
thinking if we don't start with the unspoken and unrecognized assumptions.
"Race" sounds like a thing, as if you could go out on the street and see
"race." But it is not a thing. It is a mental category. Linguistically,
it is a nominalization. That means it is a false noun. It sounds like a
noun referring to a real "thing" that's out there, "a person, place, or
thing." But it is not. I've often written about nominalizations since they
create so much confusion. They arise when someone takes a verb and turns it
into a noun. In doing so, they convert an active and dynamic process into a
static "thing" which then, deceiving the mind, generates tremendous
confusion.
"Race" as a nominalization contain a hidden verb. But what verb? The term
implies that there are many "races." But are there? Ironically it turns
out that there is only one race- the human race. There are no sub-species
of humans. We are all made of the same blood and DNA which is why we can so
easily intermarry. What we incorrectly call different races are just
different family groups within the human race. If this doesn't immediately
strike you as utterly silly- spend some time with this idea. Eventually I
hope to puts a big broad smile on your face when you realize that we have
invented a whole category of non-existing phenomena by using a pseudo-word
("races").
Given that there are no races, only a singular human race, then the rest of
the assumptions fall apart as well. For "racism" means "treating, relating,
thinking, talking, acting, etc. to someone in terms of what one evaluates
about his or her race." The -ism here someone treating or relating to
another person according to his evaluations about the other person's
so-called "race?" Here's how incredibly crazy we become- we first invent an
entirely false concept (race) and then treat some family groups superior and
others Then we think that a mysterious force, "racism," is the problem and
so we try to cure it!
In the end, "racism" is an attitude that a person hold about others. A
person views people as superior or inferior due solely to the criteria of
family of origin or ethnicity. It is the childish game, "My family is
better than yours!" "Racism" is an attitude that a person takes in
reference to another person. Then generalizing that attitude, he can feel
superior to a whole groups of people.
What is racism? It a way of thinking that leads to a way of acting. And it
can lead to people taking advantage of a position so they create policies
that incorporate prejudice against others. When some people do that, it
does not mean that the whole society is "racist." It means that a
prejudiced or racist person or people did that. To apply it to everyone is
a misguided over-generalization. But some do that to create a gigantic
monster to rail against. Now you can be prejudiced against everyone who
disagrees with you and call them racist. Those who think the a whole
society suffers from "systemic racism" are usually blind to their own
racism. But they feel self-righteous so its hard for them to see their own
projections.
This leads to the conversation that we then cannot have. Why? Because it
is not on equal ground as colleagues. After all one side thinks of
themselves not only as right, but absolutely right and above prejudice,
while the other side are told that they are racist, blind, and unaware of
their racism.
"If you say you are not racist, you are even more blind to the systemic
racism of your culture than I thought. That means your racism is
out-of-control and Im wasting my time talking to you."
The irony is that such a statement is as prejudicial as the prejudice the
person is objecting to! And it will never be changed that way. The change
has to occur in each and every person who thinks in prejudiced ways. The
change will be a change in understanding, beliefs, and attitudes. Change at
that level will inevitably lead to change in any expression that favors one
person over another due to family origin.
True enough, racism used to be incorporated in the laws of the US. But
almost all of that has changed since the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s.
That was the great contribution of the movement that Martin Luther King Jr.
led. Are there still some individuals who harbor hateful attitudes toward
others of this or that group? Sure. Are they the majority? No. The 2008
and 2012 showed that. If those elections demonstrated anything, it
demonstrated that the US is not a racist society. How could the majority
elect (two times) an African American as President if it was, across the
board, racist? That's too vast an over-generalization in spite of today's
media.
Having a difficult conversation, as the term suggests, is difficult. And
all of us have times that we need to have that kind of conversation with
others. It requires an open and listening state, a state for seeking first
to understand and then to be understood. It requires empathy and clarity.
It requires trying on another's thought rather than rejecting it outright.
In other words, it requires focused learning of refined skills. That's why
we begin with the NLP Communication Model and add the higher level skills of
the Meta-States Model.
L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.
Neuro-Semantics Executive Director
Neuro-Semantics International
P.O. Box 8
Clifton, CO. 81520 USA
1 970-523-7877
Dr. Hall's email:
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