[Neurons] Crossing the Street

[Tom Kelsall]

Tom Kelsall
tom at soulfarmer.com.au


Crossing the Street

The other day I watched a well dressed middle aged woman crossing the  
street half way along a block (not at a crossing).  She was walking  
purposefully in a controlled and dignified manner.  The lights changed  
and the traffic, lead by a truck, began to bear down upon her.  A  
sense of urgency came to her gait, her eyes widened and the expression  
on her face changed - actually it began to express.  To express the  
urgency she must of been feeling.  She began to run and for a few  
seconds the dignified, controlled woman was gone... what was left was  
a vulnerable, open human running for her safety.  Safely on the other  
side it only took a fraction of a second, halfway through a stride,  
for her to compose herself and she walked on - controlled, dignified  
and expressionless

As I watched this scene unfold before me, I wondered 'Wow!', isn't  
that amazing how we go through life controlling and presenting  
ourselves to the world in a certain way.  And yet, when our basic  
needs are threatened, in this case survival, that is useless and so we  
discard it.  And when I saw that vulnerable, fallible woman running  
for her life, I could really feel for her, I could empathise with how  
she was feeling because I've felt that way too.  Yet, the composed  
woman putting on a dignified and expressionless mask, as encouraged by  
our society, was not someone I could connect to easily

As she walked off, I wondered how much of the time it is that many of  
us are 'being' and communicating from this place of 'someone who we  
are not'

Michael Hall on reading this has raised some interesting points...

- The coping skills of being “dignified” and “expressionless” to deal  
with social reality is not the way to cope before a rushing truck

- There are different “levels” of being real/ authentic.  Authentic in  
the survival needs differs from being authentic when seeking to  
gratify higher level needs

- The person in the observer role - more clearly sees and recognizes  
the need for safety whereas the other needs are less obvious and does  
not pull on empathy the way the survival and safety needs do

And of course these points are all true... and what if we just acted  
as if authenticity and its ability to induce empathy doesn't in fact  
differ so greatly between seeking to gratify survival needs to higher  
level needs?  What if when we are communicating we could be more  
naturally and truly authentic?  What might happen then?  Is it  
possible we could we develop closer and deeper connections more often  
and more easily?

So the next time you're talking to someone, you could try this?...  
Just check in with yourself and ask, am I being my real authentic self  
and is it safe and appropriate to be open, vulnerable, fallible?...  
and if not, what is it that is stopping me? Can this person see, hear  
and feel the real me?  And as you are being more authentic, notice if  
that changes things in your communication and, naturally, in the  
response you get?

Happy communicating!  Tom




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