[Neurons] 2009 Meta Reflections #17 - what a belief!

[CoachTeam - Lene]

WOW - read this over and over - print it out and post it on your mirror - and always remember!

 

"You are unconditionally valuable just because you're a human being and simultaneously wonderfully fallible and mortal!  By asserting that your dignity and lovability is a given, you don't have to prove anything, but you get to express everything.  You have incredible potentials within to unleash.  You are a limited human being.  You have a fallible brain, heart, and body.  It is not eternal, it is made of flesh-and-blood.  You are from dust to dust.  And you are also made of the star-dust of the universe.". L. Michael Hall

 

Thanks! Lene Fjellheim J

 

 

Fra: neurons-bounces at neurosemanticsegroups.com [mailto:neurons-bounces at neurosemanticsegroups.com] På vegne av L. Michael Hall
Sendt: 20. april 2009 08:51
Til: Neurons at neurosemanticsegroups.com
Emne: [Neurons] 2009 Meta Reflections #17

 

From: L. Michael Hall

2009 Meta Reflections #17

April 20, 2009

 

 

THE SCOOP ON EGO

 

 

In the last Meta Reflection I wrote about "getting the ego out of the way," an under-developed ego, and in other Reflections, I've written about a "strong sense of ego," "weak ego," and "ego-strength."  A couple readers wrote and asked if I would write more about all of this.  A Meta-Coach from South Africa, and one of our Team Leaders, Antoinette Ehmke insightfully posed the following questions:

"How do we humans progress from having an 'ill-formed' ego, to developing a 'healthy ego,' and from there to getting the ego 'completely out of the way.'  Is this a naturally occurring developmental process, or is it something we have to choose and learn consciously?  And how does it work?"

 

I've organized my answer by making the following seven statements about ego. 

 

1) First, the term "ego" is simply the Greek term for "I" or "me" or "myself."  In this, it is a neutral term.  If you open up a Greek New Testament, Jesus used it all the time.  "Ego eimi ho poimen ho kalos."  "I am the good shepherd."  In itself, there's nothing negative or bad or untoward in the term "ego."

 

2) We are all born without an ego.  We are born ego-less in that we do not have a sense of self and don't even know that we are a "self."  Babies don't have the mind or consciousness to know that they are separate from another, so the differentiating process begins with birth actually takes several years.  And when a little child ventures out into the big wide world at 3 or 5 or 7, his or her ego is weak, only in the formative stages, and so under-developed.

 

3) We are also born without any ego-strength.  Freud defined ego-strength as the ability to consciously face the world, to face life on life's terms without falling apart, or caving in, or having a stress reaction of fight or flight.  Our ego as our ability to think, understand, reason, and therefore to choose ways of coping and eventually master the challenges of life, we develop the inner strength so that we can handle life.  With ego-strength comes resilience- the power to bounce back after we have been knocked down.

 

4) A healthy ego is a health sense of self.  This includes a sense of one's value and dignity- one's self-esteem.  And this is healthiest when it is unconditional.  It is the sense, "I am valuable, significant, and have worth because I am a human being."  Being loved and valued unconditionally by parents is the ideal; then later in life as an adult, you can make that same appraisal of yourself and everyone else.  Next comes self-confidence- your sense that you have "power" or "control" to be able to do something that you can take pride in and that you can trust yourself to accomplish.  Self-confidence is healthiest when it is conditional- you earn it by becoming competent in whatever area that you have developed skills to know and do.  Next is your self-identity, your self-definition, how your define yourself in your roles and relationships.  Here, if you accept your fallibilities and embrace your strengths, and keep defining and updating your definition as you keep growing, you'll have a healthy sense of self. 

 

5) An ego that is ill-formed, under-developed, or distorted by mis-understandings and mis-beliefs is an ego that is loud, boisterous, and constantly getting in the way.  Without a solid sense of unconditional value, your ego keeps getting in the way because you keep having to "prove" yourself.  You constantly feel insecure and needing support and attention.  If your value, worth, and dignity is evaluated as "low" or "high" then it goes up and/or down according to whatever criteria you're using to judge it: looks, strength, money, degrees, who you know, status, car, house, brand clothes, etc.

 

Now whatever you do, your ego is always likely to get in the way-because you are using your clothes, status, degrees, money, position, etc. to prove yourself.  This undermines your leadership, your ability to connect with people, and everything.  If you're a public speaker, you make it about you, about your image, intelligence, charm, not your audience.  If you are a coach, you make the experience about your success with the client.  If you are a CEO, entrepreneur, business person, you make things about what your success or money not the value that you add.  In all of these instances, the ego is in the way.

 

6) Ego-investments is the way the ego gets in the way.  It all begins normally as we expland our sene of self by brining things inside our ego-boundaries.  We do this when we define some idea, belief, way of doing something, possession, status, or whatever as "ours" and invest ourselves in it by identifying with it ("my house," "my wife," "my lover," "my child," "my project," "my job," etc.).  This is normal but dangerous.  It is dangerous because it is a small step to over-identifying.  Then you get your ego in the way and interfere with your growth.

 

7) To get the ego out of the way requires developing a healthy sense of self.  You are unconditionally valuable just because you're a human being and simultaneously wonderfully fallible and mortal!  By asserting that your dignity and lovability is a given, you don't have to prove anything, but you get to express everything.  You have incredible potentials within to unleash (but not the "new age" idea of "unlimited" potentials!).  You are a limited human being.  You have a fallible brain, heart, and body.  It is not eternal, it is made of flesh-and-blood.  You are from dust to dust.  And you are also made of the star-dust of the universe.

 

Fully accepting, appreciating, and standing in awe of yourself as a human being gets the ego out of the way.  That's why we begin on Day 1 of APG with meta-stating self pattern (and it is in several of the books, Secrets of Personal Mastery for example).  When you meta-state your doing self with appreciation, you focus on what you can do and contribute.  When you meta-state your overall self with acceptance, you embrace life as it is and the cards dealt you.  And when you meta-state your being self with awe or esteem, you settle the question of your value.

We say in Neuro-Semantics: It takes a lot of self-esteem to be humble and modest.  This frees you from having to prove yourself or to become a somebody.  You begin with the declaration that you are a Somebody, and now you get to find and express your somebody-ness!  This is what we do in Day 1 of "The Ultimate Self-Actualization Workshop" as we focus on becoming "Meaningful to the Core."  Do that and you become free.  You become free to explore, to experiment, to make creative mistakes, and to kick up your heels in a joyful ecstasy of your right to be human.

 

Now, go experience the full unleashing of an ego set free from needing to be right!

 

 

 

 

 

Colorado Trainings in 2009

            If you're interested in the Meta-Coaching series of trainings for the United States in June 2009, contact me at meta at onlinecol.com 

            NSTT is still a possibility for August 2009, but if you're interested, we do need to hear from you.

 

L.  Michael Hall, Ph.D.

International Society of Neuro-Semantics

Meta-Coach Training System

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO.  81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

1 970-523-5790 fax

     www.neurosemantics.com <http://www.neurosemantics.com/>  

      www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com <http://www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com/>  

      www.self-actualizing.org <http://www.self-actualizing.org/> 

      www.meta-coaching.org <http://www.meta-coaching.org/> 

      www.ns-video.com <http://www.ns-video.com/>  

 

To sign up for a free subscription to the egroup of Neuro-Semantics (Neurons) go to www.neurosemantics.com <http://www.neurosemantics.com/>  --- you can  subscribe and unsubscribe there.   Meta Reflection articles by Dr. Hall are sent out every Monday and meta-Coach Reflections sent out every Wednesdday to the Meta-Coaches egroup.

 

 

 

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