[Neurons] 2023 Neurons #54 ARE CIVIL CONVERSATIONS POSSIBLE?

Fri Nov 24 17:34:11 EST 2023

From: L. Michael Hall

2023 Neurons #54

November 24, 2023

NLP A Thinking Model #6

THE BOTTOM LINE:

ARE CIVIL CONVERSATIONS POSSIBLE?

We all know tht NLP is a communication model.  It is also a linguistic model
and specifically, a neuro-linguistic model-we study how language affects
neurology.  When you study NLP, you study the Meta-Model and learn how words
work to create experiences, emotions, and sense of reality.  You study
Representational systems and learn the "languages of thought."  When you
study the Strategy model, you learn the organizational structure of
subjective experience and how to enhance it.  When you learn Meta-States,
you learn how to detect and set up the higher level beliefs as frames that
manage subjective experiences.  When you learn Meta-Programs, you learn how
your higher level thoughts (meta-states) create your perceptual lens.

That paragraph summarizes NLP and tells where Neuro-Semantics begins.
Neuro-Semantics takes things further by studying the meta-level structure of
meaning and meaning-making, the Self-Actualization Quadrants that
synchronize meaning and performance.  You study the Matrix model and/or the
Meta Place, and you learn how to think systemically as you recognize the
landmarks of the mind.  You study Meta-Coaching and you study the structure
of compassionate challenging to unleash your potentials so you become "fully
alive/fully human."

Now in all that we have in NLP and Neuro-Semantics-what is its essence?
Anwer: Conversations.  After all, that's the essence of communication.  When
you and I commune, or have co-union with someone, there is a meeting of the
minds.  Your thinking and my thinking come together so we can learn from
each other, understand each other, and commune with each other.  We may or
we may not agree, but at least as we respect and care for each other, we
come to understand each other.

When Coaching became a thing (1992), thousands of people suddenly realized
that everything actually comes down to conversations.  There are outcome
conversations, clarity conversations, decision-making conversations, change
conversations, experiential conversations, and on and on.  Interesting
enough, the first book I wrote in the field of Coaching was Coaching
Conversations (2002).  After that, we developed a set of coaching
conversations for personal coaching, a set for group and team coaching, a
set for executive coaching, transfomational coaching, political coaching,
etc.

Why?  Why all of this focus on conversations?  Answer: Conversation is how
we relate to each other.  In Communication Magic (1997) I wrote that
"communication" and "relationship" are two sides of the same coin.  To
communication is to relate; to relation is to communicate.  You can't have
one without the other.  Conversation is also the heart of therapy (healing).
It is the heart of civilization (collaboration and science).  It is the
heart of leadership; the heart of management; the heart of parenting, etc.
In all of these, what are we doing?  We are having a conversation.

Now isn't that amazing?  Leadership, management, parenting, therapy,
consulting, education, etc. may seem radically different experiences-yet at
the heart of each of them are conversations.  That's why learning how to
truly and effectively communicate-have a conversation-is what unleashes
individual and collective potentials.  But there is a challenge: Effective
conversations do not occur naturally.  No one is born knowing how to do
this.  We have to learn how to have effective conversations with each other.
Merely opening your mouth and start talking is not the same as having an
effective conversation.  It is often the problem.

What does this mean?  It means we have to learn how to think effectively and
we have to learn how to think with each other.  This is not easy.  To do
that, you have to learn to listen- consider, ask questions, detail
specifics, and make distinctions.  And listening is another significant
barrier for most people!  They have not learned how to do that.  Merely
having ears and picking up words from others is not enough.

Given that quality listening and thinking requires significant training and
learning, there is another barrier.  Namely, the non-thinking states:
reactivity, automatic thinking, borrowed thinking, shallow thinking, agenda
thinking, "knowing," and expectations.  These pseudo-thinking states are
extremely common.  These are the cheap substitutes for true listening and
thinking. 

What Does It Say About Us?

Now if we, as the human race, cannot have a calmly rational and respectfully
caring conversation about the things that matter most to us (e.g., religion,
politics, sex, finances, government, philosophy, etc.), then what are we
saying?  What is implied in our inability to talk with each other about
certain topics?

           We are saying that we can't remain civil, decent, respectful,
caring, tolerant and human with each other!

           We are saying that some of our ideas (mental maps) are so
semantically loaded that if someone disagrees with us we are ready to become
ugly, violent, and hurtful!

           We are saying that our ideas (beliefs, values, understandings)
are so sacred, so divine, so absolute, that anyone who denies them is bad,
evil, and probably a demon from hell!

           We are saying that we have the right to condemn, blame, accuse,
get nasty, get ugly, become intolerant, dogmatic, and engage in boycotts and
blackmailing if our views are not recognized by all!

           We are saying we value our ideas over being civil with one
another.

Obviously, our focus in Neuro-Semantics is to learn how to have great and
wonderful and humane conversations.  Then we can get along, collaborate,
build better civilizations, and unleash human potentials.  And if we can
spread this far and wide enough-we can eliminate wars.  Imagine that!

About Voting

From: L. Michael Hall

While I will never get use to the designation "gurus" because of all that it
implies, every year they run this thing.  I do it because it gives more
credibility and publicity to Neuro-Semantic NLP and what we are trying to do
in raising the quality and professionalism of this field. 

Voting helps with that promotion, so if you would be so kind as to vote for
myself as the most public face for Neuro-Semantics at this time.

At the top click "Vote Here" then NLP (9th one down).

   <https://globalgurus.org/nlp/> https://globalgurus.org/nlp/

Voting will end on 20th December 2023.

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

738 Beaver Lodge

Grand Jct., CO. 81505 USA

(970) 523-7877

meta at acsol.net

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