[Neurons] 2022 Neurons #40 A TRULY TRANSFORMATIVE ATTITUDE

Sun Oct 2 21:32:02 EDT 2022

From: L. Michael Hall

2022 Neurons #40

October 3, 2022

Super-charging Your Attitude #14

A TRULY TRANSFORMATIVE ATTITUDE

"Dichotomizing pathologizes and pathology dichotomize."

Abraham Maslow 

If there's a sneaky attitude that is sure to create all sorts of problems in
your life, and an attitude that prevents you from understanding what's
wrong, it is the linear either/or way of thinking. As a thinking pattern,
either-or is how small children first begin to think as they categorize
their options in the world.  Things are either this way or they are that
other way.  You are strong or weak, smart of dumb, selfish or giving, a
friend or an enemy, etc.   You are either working or playing, stingy or
generous, thinking or feeling, winning or losing, and on and on.   This is
the first world that we all grow up in-and it is the world that some people
never graduate from.

The either-or world is a dichotomized or polarized world.  Now for children
and for primitive people living in a dangerous jungle, it is a world that
works just fine.  For everybody else-it is a very limiting world and as a
habitual attitude, it is itself dangerous.  "Dichotomizing pathologizes and
pathology dichotomize" was the mantra of Abraham Maslow.  He wrote about
that repeatedly over the years and his research demonstrated how toxic it
is.

The attitude of seeing and framing things in terms of either-or thinking has
one especially toxic and pathological effect-it blinds you to seeing
systemic solutions.  It locks you out of any and every synergetic solution.
Now you cannot see things in-between the polar opposites.  Now you are
incapable of recognizing both-and variables.

If you suffer an either-or dilemma inside your own psychology such as the
conflict between selfish and unselfish, mind or emotion (head or heart),
pride or humility, scarcity or abundance, work or play, etc., then your
emotions will tend to oscillate back and forth.  You will be on one side of
things, then flip to the other.  And if you have a hidden frame that
prohibits one side of the either-or framework, then you will have a complete
blind spot to the inner conflict so that you don't understand what's going
on.  I see that frequently in coaching conversations.  A manager wants to be
effective and task-oriented and struggles with also wanting to be friendly
and humane in his decisions.  He is on the horns of a dilemma with seemingly
no solution.

Organizations are often structured for certain either-or formulations.  If
structured for the stockholders, it is often at odds with the stakeholders
(employees, customers, etc.).   If structured for "results this quarter" it
is often sacrificing core capacities for long-term well-being.  If structure
for competition, it cannot get people to cooperate, share information, and
work as a team.  Again, the very thinking that creates this problem blinds
one to solutions.

To identify the subtle and hidden attitude of either-or, you first have to
catch it.  This means stepping back and recognizing that you are on the
horns of a dilemma.  As you flush out your either-or perspective listen for
these words- either-or, black-or-white, all-or-nothing.  Next, put the two
choices on a continuum as the polar ends.  You now have a visual image that
reveals that there's a whole world in-between.  So ask, "What lies between
these polar opposites?"  "If one is at 0 and the other at 100, what is at
25, 50 or75 percent?"  In this way, you can begin to perceive all of the
things which lie between the either-or alternatives.

But we are not done.  Not only is there a world of choices in-between the
duality of the either-or choices, there is also a world above.  So if you
draw a diagram, move your pen to a position above the continuum and ask,
"What is above these two that might be a synthesis of the two?"  Between
details and global, you might find meta-detailing.  Between lose and win
might be "playing a game."

Ask, "If these two dual options are members of the same class, what is the
classification?"  "If both are values, they are values within what larger
value?"  Between competition on one side and collaboration on the other
side, both are ways of relating.  

What is the higher level attitude that solves the either-or problem?  There
are several.   

First, the attitude of both-and in different dimensions.   "I am both strong
and weak, strong in some dimensions, weak in others."

Second, is the systemic attitude which takes the whole system into account.
"There actually is no 'mind' without a 'body' and no 'body' without a
'mind,' they are one thing-the mind-body-emotion system."

Third, is the gestalt attitude that acknowledges the emergence of something
that is "more than and different from" the parts.  "I have learned how to
work at my play, and play at my work.  I take a vacation daily when I go to
work."                    

Thinking more holistically is a higher level or meta-level attitude, one of
synergy that brings about a unity to a world that is otherwise torn apart by
framing things dualistically.  This is what we do in NLP Communication to
resolve conflicts.  After all, conflicts are by their very nature polarized
positions that people have dichotomized.  By thinking in terms of both-and,
systemically, and synergistically we move up to an unifying frame that
integrates the conflicting parts.    [Want more?   See Chapter 16
Synergizing in the book Unleashed! (2007).]

Neuro-Semantic News

.       For the first time ever--- META-THERAPY --- will be presented in
Brazil, Oct. 14-16.   This is a brand new training--- specifically for
therapists and people in the field of mental health.  It is also highly
recommended for coaches and trainers to provide information about what
therapy entails and how to understand a person's need for it.  Contact  Yara
Vasconcellos--- yara at inaprj.com.br  for information.   Unleashing
Authenticity will be presented Oct. 11-12.

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

ISNS Executive Director

P.O. Box 8

Clifton Colorado 81520 USA

(970) 523-7877

drhall at acsol.net  

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