[Neurons] 2020 Neurons #18 WHEN HOME IS A FIGHT PEN

[Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall 

2020 Neurons #18

April 13, 2020

Living through 

the Coronavirus Pandemic #3

 

WHEN HOME IS YOUR PERSONAL

FIGHT PEN

 

When you are stuck at home (Neurons #16) and your stressing yourself out
about things (Neurons #17), there is an increased likelihood that you can
get into arguments and fights with those you love most.  Crazy, right?  And
to make it even more crazy, such fights are usually not about anything
really important or significant.  More typically they are about irrelevant
"little" things that get on our nerves and creates inner distress.  For this
reason, lots of mental health agencies are warning about the danger of
increased domestic violence, child abuse, alcoholism, and suicide, during
"stay at home" order solution.

 

Given the state of stress, and how certain thinking patterns create
miserable levels of stress, it is easy to get into irritable and grumpy
states.  When that happens, things that you normally handle with grace and
patience, now push your buttons.  Being cooped up at home and unable to do
what you normally do and having people constantly "in your space," with
little room for some quiet time, can create a context where everyone is on
edge- an atmosphere where a casual word or tone can push someone over the
threshold of how much one can take.   It's one of those "last straw" moments
and suddenly the nice quiet person blows up with anger and frustration.  

 

Therefore when your home becomes what seems like a fight pen, and the
fighters are locked in the cage, and there seems to be no escape route- what
then?  

 

1) Expand your understanding.  A good beginning place is to understand
what's happening.  Understand first that it is normal.  Understand that
everybody is experiencing certain degrees of stress, pressure, worries,
cabin fever, etc.  Use this to bring some compassion and kindness to the
situation.  It's probably not easy for anyone.  It's not easy being in close
proximity with each other and separated from what we are used to.

 

2) Develop de-stressing mechanisms.  Some people destress by talking things
out; others by getting away and having some alone time wherein they can
think things out.  Others need to be active to get the energy out of their
bodies.  Let the others that you are stuck at home with know what you need
when you get irritable and grumpy.

 

3) Do what you can.  What can you do today, at home, that can improve the
quality of your life?  What are things around the house or apartment that
you've been putting off for a rainy day?  I have cleaned out my garage.  Now
I am taking an hour or so each day working through old files that have
collected for decades.  Doing what you can, and letting it "count," can
enable you to feel productive, that you are doing something important.
Create a regular schedule and stay on it (Neurons #16). 

 

4) Stay in touch with others.  While we are physically limited from getting
together, you can call and/or use skype or zoom and create virtual meetings
with friends and loved ones.  The important thing is stay connected.

 

5) Keep your spirit inspired.  Motivation, which is always such a big theme
and problem in business, is equally important when you're stuck at home.
Otherwise you can get down and discouraged and turn lethargy into
depression.  How are your self-motivation skills?  Of course, to feel
motivated you have to have a motive- a purpose, agenda, intention.  That's
why there's really no such thing as a motivation problem- only challenges to
your intentionality.  This speaks to the human need to have a reason for
getting up and getting on with the day.  What goals can you set?  

 

6) Remind yourself- "This too will pass."  The "Stay at Home" order will
end, the economy will be opened back up, and people will be getting back to
work.  There will be aspects of a "new normal" that will be emerging.  And
the old "normal" also will re-emerge.  Restaurants will re-open, there will
be weddings and funerals, seminars and trainings, etc.

 

7) Resolve issues quickly.  If you get irritated and yell at someone, if in
your stress and frustration you say things that you shouldn't -apologize.
Acknowledge your unresourceful state and make things right as soon as
possible.  The worst thing is to live in angry silence or resentful
annoyance.  The worst thing is to stuff your negative emotions because when
you live in those negative states, you will do damage to yourself.  We all
make mistakes, those who rise above them and learn from them are those who
know that human fallibility is part and parcel of life, to be expected, and
to be transcended by forgiveness and apology.

 

8) Make the main thing the main thing.  In relationships, the main thing is
love.  So remind yourself to be loving.  In life, the main thing is
meaningfulness.  So learning to give rich and robust meaning to whatever you
are doing.  Make it meaningful in your mind, then live out that meaning by
what you do.

 

A fight pen is a caged mat where combatants fight and there's no escape.
But while you may feel that there's little or no escape from being cooped up
at home- it does not have to be a fight pen!  Actually, it can be whatever
you want to create it- a study den, a play room, a serenity garden, or any
combination.  The key is to take responsibility for your responses - what
you are thinking, feeling, speaking, and doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton CO. 81520 USA

www.neurosemantics.com   

 

The stunning new history of NLP--- NLP Secrets.  

Investigative Journalism which has exposed what has been kept secrets for
decades. 

http://www.neurosemantics.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/NLP-Secrets-2_sml2.
png

 

 

 

 

 

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