[Neurons] 2020 Neurons #1 START WITH -BEING- GOALS

[Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall

2020 Neurons #1

January 6, 2020

2020 Vision series #1

 

 

START WITH BEING GOALS

 

Inasmuch as a new year has arrived, let's set some 2020 visionary goals.
This means setting clear-eyed goals that come from clear thinking and
understanding about goals and goal-setting, and about achieving what you
truly want to achieve.  We all know that all too often New Year Resolutions
do not work or do not last.  But why?  One reason is that they arise from
fanciful thinking, unrealistic ideals, and unecological processes.

 

Yet for all of those things, we can correct things.  And that's the purpose
of the next set of posts here on Neurons- to address problems in
goal-setting and to set some clear-eye 2020 Visionary Goals that will
enhance the quality of your life.  Let's begin by examining three types of
goals: having, doing, and being.

 

You can see the ineffectiveness of goal-setting by distinguishing these
types of goals.  I see this in coaching, a profession designed to enable
people to achieve their goals.  The problem with many of the goals that
clients present in coaching is that they are extrinsic goals-goals about
something external (e.g., career, money, promotion, recognition, leading,
managing, etc.).  It is not that clients do not also set intrinsic goals-
changing a belief, developing an emotional resource (persistence,
resilience, etc.), understanding something, etc.  They do; yet to a lesser
degree.  So while all goals are important, goals are not equally important.

 

The aspirations that people have which are external are those that fit "the
American Dream"-"I want to be wealthy, healthy, famous, good looking, and
popular."  "I want a new car, a home in the suburbs, a great job, lots of
time for holidays, lots more money, etc."  It is not that these things are
bad, it is that they are superficial.  And contrary to what many people
(probably most people) think, these goals will not, in themselves, deliver
inner joy, happiness, contentment, resourcefulness, confidence, self-value,
etc.

 

Extrinsic aspirations focus on having (receiving) whereas intrinsic
aspirations focus on being and doing.  In terms of being- human beings want
a sense of personal value (self-esteem), confidence, efficacy, autonomy,
independence, developing (growth), freedom, connection, relatedness, etc.
In terms of doing- we want competence, skills, to contribute, make a
difference, etc.

 

An obscure meta-program which we do not often talk about is the being,
doing, having, giving meta-program which governs the outcomes people focus
on.  Sequentially, the inside-outside principle organizes things in this
way- focuses first on being so that a person can do, give, and then have.
Trying to have without being, doing, and giving ignores, or fails to
understand, the natural and logical sequence of life.  When a person focuses
on being, then doing so that a person can then give, having takes care of
itself.

 

Those who over-focus on money, fame, beauty, control, etc. generally display
poorer mental health.  That judgment comes from the result of research
(Deci, 1995, p. 128-129 quoting from Personality and Social Psychological
Bulletin).  This means that one's inner being suffers when you prioritize
extrinsic goals over intrinsic goals.  So there are consequences,
significant consequences, to mixing up the order of being and doing.

"Kasser and Ryan, in their research on life aspirations ... indicate that if
people held extrinsic goals very dear, they had tenuous mental health."

 

Deci writes, "people who are the healthiest focus on developing satisfying
personal relationships, growing as individuals, and contributing to their
community."  Here then is a great question What primarily occupies your
consciousness when you think about goals, your future, or moving forward in
life?  It's okay to start with extrinsic goals if they imply and lead you to
intrinsic goals.  To facilitate that with yourself and your clients, ask
these kinds of coaching questions:

           Is your focus on what you have more than what you are? 

           How much is your focus on external possessions versus internal
being (who you are)?

           What resources do you need inside yourself to be able to do what
needs to be done?  What resources do you need within to eventually achieve
or have what you want?

           Who do you need to become in order to be who you need to be to
achieve your goal? 

           What changes do you need to make in your sense of self to be the
person you want to be?

 

One of the most serious things that happen when people prioritize extrinsic
over intrinsic is that it subtly leads people to frame their self-esteem as
contingent- conditional.  Focus on what you have or even do subtly implies
that in some unspecified manner, you will be more or better when you
succeed.  From there it is but a small step to want to do more and have more
in order to think of yourself as "more," and to feel better about yourself.
And when that happens, you have put your self-esteem on the line.

 

The solution?  Set being goals for this new year.  Set goals for becoming
the kind of person you want to become.   To figure that out, how do you want
your friends and loved ones to think about you?  What kind of character
legacy about yourself do you want to leave?

 

 

 

 

 

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton CO. 81520 USA

www.neurosemantics.com   look for the special offer

 

Author of the stunning new history of NLP--- NLP Secrets.  

Investigative Journalism which has exposed what has been kept secrets for
decades. 

http://www.neurosemantics.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/NLP-Secrets-2_sml2.
png

 

 

 

 

 

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