[Neurons] 2019 Neurons #48 DISTINGUISHING MEANING AND RESPONSE AS A COMMUNICATOR

[Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall

2019 Neurons #48

October 28, 2019

How to be a 

Professional Communicator #3

 

THE THIRD DISTINCTION

OF A PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATOR

 

 

Distinction #3: DISTINGUISHING MEANING AND RESPONSE

As a professional communicator seeking to communicate insightful meanings,
strange as this may seem-you cannot directly communicate "meaning."  That's
because meaning is a phenomenon which is co-created between you and the
person(s) with whom you communicate.  It is not a singular thing under your
complete control.  An NLP premise presents this distinction:

"The meaning of your communication is the response you get, regardless of
your intention." 

 

Implied in this premise is this shocking realization: "You never know what
you have communicated!  That's because you never know what the other person
heard."   What did he hear?  Hearing is what the other person does with your
words as he filters it through his way of interpreting things.  So how can
you figure out what he heard?  Without that person telling us what he heard,
the way to begin to figure out the answer lies in this question: How did he
respond?  That is, by noticing his responses you can begin to discover what
the other person heard-the meanings he generated.  Meaning shared is a
phenomena between those communicating.

 

Neuro-Semantics focuses on the meanings (semantics) that we communicate, the
meanings we program into our body (neurology), which we then perform as
actions.  Yet meaning, as a phenomenon of the mind-body system, does not
exist in the outside world.  Meaning is not externally real.  It does not
exist "out there."  You have never walked down the street and tripped over
some meaning that someone dropped on the sidewalk.  It's not that kind of
thing.

Meaning is mentally constructed as an understanding.  It arises from how a
person links and associates ideas and references.  It arises from how you
reflexively apply an idea so it becomes your frame-of-reference.

 

Meaning is inside, response is outside.  When a person responds to what you
say, that response gives you some clue about the meanings she must have
constructed from what you said.  Now you can explore.

"What did you hear?  What does that mean to you?"  "What meaning did you
give to X?"

 

If you discover that the other has constructed meanings which you does not
fit with what you meant to transmit, then simply try again.  "Sorry, that's
not what I was attempting to say.  I'll give it another try."  The ensuing
dialogue continues the co-creation of shared meanings.

 

This meaning/response distinction highlights that different people give
different meanings to what is said and how it is said.  A stressed tone of
voice is just a response, the meanings you give to that voice tone are your
meanings.  It may correspond to the other's meanings, it may not.  Therefore
an incongruous response, one that doesn't seem to correspond to your meaning
is feedback- "This other person is interpreting it differently."  This is
not a matter of right or wrong; it is a matter of co-constructing until a
state of mutual understanding arises.  To discover that difference, suspend
your own meanings, and inquire again.

 

The danger is that you automatically attribute meaning to a response.  Yet
you, like all of us, are biased to do this.  Yet you are coming from your
map of the world.  You are operating from what it means to you.  Actual
communicating has not yet begun.  Instead of communicating, you have
jumped-to-a-conclusion assuming that your meanings are the same as the other
person's. This is a great formula for confusion, distortion, and ruined
relationships.

 

To avoid that, use the meaning/response distinction to your advantage and do
one of the most challenging things as a meaning-maker-suspend your meanings
and explore the other person's meanings.  Slow things down to check out what
each person means by the words being bantered about.  This is what masterful
communicators do.  They know that they don't know anyone else's inner system
of meaning.  They know that the greatest seduction is filtering information
through their own meanings and assuming that is what the other person meant.
They know that this is a formula for being blind and deaf to others.  That's
why just witnessing responses and distinguishing responses from meaning is
so important for staying in the game.

 

In summary, responses don't mean.  Responses are just a response.  It comes
from meaning- so it is an invitation for you to discover the meaning that it
comes from.  How do you do that?  Simply ask the other person, "You just
responded with Y, I'm wondering what that means to you?"

 

 

 

                                                                      




 

 

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton CO. 81520 USA

www.neurosemantics.com   look for the special offer

 

Author of the stunning new history of NLP--- NLP Secrets.  

Investigative Journalism which has exposed what has been kept secrets for
decades. 

http://www.neurosemantics.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/NLP-Secrets-2_sml2.
png

 

 

 

 

 

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