[Neurons] 2019 Neurons #38 CURING THE HEART OF VIOLENCE

Mon Aug 26 08:33:59 EDT 2019

From: L. Michael Hall

2019 Neurons #38

August 26, 2019

CURING

THE HEART OF VIOLENCE

If those who end up engaged in mass shootings and killings are loners who
are generally disconnected from people, if they are blamers, thinking that
it is this person or that group which makes them angry, frustrated,
outraged, etc., and  non-compassion-lacking basic empathy for other human
beings- what can we do about that?

If this is the basic profile of those who seek glory or martyrdom by going
on a shooting spree (or driving a car into a crowd of people, or planting a
bomb), what can be done to stop them?  Obviously, we can look for signs of
trouble-emotional outbursts, racist talk, extreme comments on social media,
threats against people, etc.  We can pass meaningful Red Flag laws which
maintain due process so such laws are not misused.  We can have stricter
background checks to eliminate any loopholes in them. Yet all of that is
trying to stop something that's already fuming and seething and ready to
explore.

Let's start a lot earlier.  Let's look at the ways we (as a society) nurture
infants, raise children, and educate young adults.  Failure in these areas
is what creates insecure, angry, disconnected extremists who could then be
capable of mass murder in the first place.  Somehow a darkside potential is
activated within them.  Certainly we are all exposed to a lot more violence
than ever before- on TV, in the movies, on video-games.  And that can't help
but to stimulate violence and make violence a possibility in the minds of
many people.

Yet instead of asking "What's causing this?" there's another question we can
ask.  Namely, "What's missing in that person's life?"  

           What's missing in that person that he has little to no empathy,
compassion or love?

           What's missing in that person that he is so disconnected and
living as a loner?

           What's missing so the person lacks an internal sense of power
(locus of control) and so blames external targets for his misery and does
not accept personal responsibility?

           What's missing in the person that causes him to embrace extreme
ideology from either the right or left to justify his "crazy" plans to kill
as many people as he can?

Something is certainly missing.  To grab a gun, bomb, machete, car, etc. and
head out to kill as many people as one can is not normal.  Even if Hollywood
has "normalized" murder and violence in movies, it is not normal to actually
murder someone.  Something has gone wrong.  There's a dark black hole deep
in that person's mind, emotions, and social relationships.

My thought is that what's missing is similar to what is missing in a feral
child.  A child lost in the wilds and raised by animals (dogs, wolfs,
monkeys) may survive- as many did up until the 19th century, never became
human.  Missing the imprint period of language, their brains did not get the
required experiences to activate the needed neural circuits of the higher
brain (neocortex) functions and so did not enter into the symbolic meaning
system of humans.

The mass murderer who shoots down innocent people is similar.  Somehow they
have missed the critical attachment patterns to others that occurs normally
with empathetic, responsive, and caring parents.  Attachment Theory (as
mentioned in the last post) suggests three insecure attachment patterns that
can mess a person up.  The avoidant pattern is especially problematic in
that it leaves a person empty of connection and so they dismiss
compassionate connections with others.  Failing to receive love, empathy,
compassion, and firm boundaries, the person consequently misses out on how
to regulate his own emotions and drives properly.  Lacking basic
self-regulation of emotions and drives the person adopts various defenses
for self-protection.

Others may have received some nurturing and empathy, but perhaps too little.
Or they may have suffered some traumatic threat or loss of a loved one- and
that unresolved trauma or loss may be the seething center.  It may be a
consuming fire within that undermines any sense of meaningfulness in life,
any hope for love, and so the person turns to destructiveness (hate, angry,
outrgage) as the darkside of "meaning."  

In these ways that the real issue is a mental health issue.  Yet not all
issues of mental health, but those that involve avoidance of intimate
connections, lacking empathy, developing hatreds and resentments, and
lacking meaningfulness.  That kind of mental illness seems to be the
culprit.  No wonder they are out-of-control and the basic human feeling of
compassion for others does not stop them.

A person who has made-meaning in his life so that it is meaningfulness does
not engage in mass killings.  Why would he?  A person who knows love,
empathy, care, meaning, significance, connection, and attachment does not
beocme a mass murderer.  What can we do?  We can -

           Promote high quality parenting- effective parenting that
nurtures, cares, connects, creates a secure attachment, boundaries, etc.

           Enable healthy secure bonding strategies.  It's never too late
to experience an empathetic relationship with a caring person.  And every
such person is an agent for well-being in the world.

           Enable healthy individual empowerment so that every child,
teenager, and adult will claim his and hers innate powers of response.  Then
they can become the architects of their own lives, responsible, and cut out
blaming.

           Enable one's meaning-making powers to unleash their highest
values and best performances, to construct a meaningful life.

Want more?  See the books-  Games Great Lovers Play; Secrets of Personal
Mastery  - on the website  <http://www.neurosemantics.com./>
www.neurosemantics.com.   Or get to one of the Parenting #101 workshops.

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton CO. 81520 USA

www.neurosemantics.com   look for the special offer

Author of the stunning new history of NLP--- NLP Secrets.  

Investigative Journalism which has exposed what has been kept secrets for
decades. 

http://www.neurosemantics.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/NLP-Secrets-2_sml2.
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