[Neurons] 2018 Neurons #19 PAUSE TO DECIDE

Sun Apr 29 17:32:15 EDT 2018

From: L. Michael Hall

2018 Neurons #19

April 30, 2018

Great Decisions Series #3

PAUSING TO DECIDE

I started out the day intent on counting the total number of decisions that
I tyically make within the time frame of one day.  My first decision
occurred when I sensed morning light coming into the bedroom, that's when I
decided to look at the clock, it was 6:15 a.m.  I then decided to push the
button that turned on the radio.  I decided to listen to the news.  Soon I
decided to get up, then more decisions in the bathroom, and even more
decisions about getting dressed, which sock to put on first, etc. I decided
to do my morning exercises (crunches and pushups), I decided to go
downstairs, I decided to eat breakfast which included multiple decisions
about what to eat, what to prepare, how to prepare, etc.  Later I decided to
go to Starbucks which entailed dozens more of decisions, to turn this
corner, to wait for that truck, to ...    It soon became overwhelming.  I
hit more than 200 decisions in the first hour.

Decisions govern our lives.  Most are ordinary and either are barely
conscious or so completely automatic that they are totally unconscious.
Previous thinking and deciding about various things have now become
automatic decisions that operate as my "way of being in the world."
Previous learnings created decisions that now comprise my lifestyle.
Decisions mold and form and engineer our lives.

Then there are the circumstances that I default to (an implicit decision)
that actually replaces or substitute for a conscious decision.  I decide to
take Elm Street because I can see construction up ahead on 7th Street.  I
didn't really want to go down Elm Street, but I also didn't want to get
stuck in the traffic.  The decision didn't seem like a decision, that choice
seemed determined by that circumstance.

Then there are the conscious decisions that determine and govern life today
and life into the future.  "Should I say yes to this project or not?"  "How
can I say no to this request without hurting her feelings?"  These are the
decisions that we struggle with- we consider the pros and cons on each side
of the decision.  And if there are several choices, then we have multiple
sets of pros-and-cons.  And so we go back and forth between saying yes to
the choice or no.  All of this also influences my identity: Am I a decisive
prson or not?  Am I indecisive?

Pausing to Think

Now to create high-quality decisions in all of these cases, you have to
pause in order to think.  Otherwise you will be merely reacting to events
and circumstances and defaulting to old programs that actualize previous
thinking.   And that may not be good for you.  To switch off the autopilot -
you now have to step back (go meta) to gain perspective-to see the larger
picture and to consider what is really important to you.  This means
becoming mindful of your values and the criteria that you set for what is
truly important.

To decide -you first have to define what's meaningful to you, what you
consider significant to your overall well-being, and set your highest
intentions.  Otherwise you will just be engaged in wishful thinking.  

This process shows up in Meta-Coaching in several ways.  We begin every
coaching session by inviting the prelude of a decision by asking for the
person's agenda, wants, dreams, hopes as we ask, "What do you want from this
coaching conversation that will make the most transformative difference in
your life?"  This starts the deciding as it invites the client to make a
choice- "What should I bring up?"  In making this decision, the person will
either talk about what he positively wants (a toward-value) or what he does
not want (an away-from value or dis-value).  More decisions then arise as we
ask a series of well-formed outcome questions- 

"What will that look like or sound like when you get it?"  "Why is that
important to you?"  "When do you want that?"  "What do you have to do to get
what you want?"

Through the process of leading and facilitating the well-formed outcome
conversation, the client evidentially sets the agenda and creates (or
co-creates with the coach) a desired outcome for the coaching and for her
life.  This is the first pause, the second one comes next as we inquire
about the values and dis-values of taking actions to make the decision real.
This involves identifying all of the values and benefits of the objective as
well as the dis-values and costs.  Both sides are critical for truly being
mindful of what a person will gain and the price one will pay for that gain.

At an even higher level, we often step back for yet another pause.  This is
the pause of considering the standards or criteria that a person is using-
against which the decisions are made.  To make a decision, you make it
against some criteria.

What are you treating as most important?  Is it time, money, health, energy,
joy, accomplishment, achievement, efficiency, recognition, respect, etc.?

Pausing here to look at your criteria and the prioritization of your
criteria enables you (and your clients) to be much more thoughtful, mindful,
and reflective in decision-making.  Doing this enables you to become truly
discerning in the decision-making process.  Yes, you can make many decisions
quickly and within a split second and for the everyday kind of decisions
that we make minute by minute, that's usually fine.  Yet for truly
high-quality decisions, you'll want to pause- step back- get mindful -elicit
your highest values in order to make great decisions that you'll be proud
of.  Pausing and thinking enables you to access some of your highest
executive thinking powers.

[The new book, Executive Thinking (2018) will be available in middle to late
May.  Look for an announcement about order it soon.]

NSTT --- TRAINERS TRAINING--- July 1-15, 2018

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D., Executive Director 

Neuro-Semantics 

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO. 81520 USA                             

               1 970-523-7877 

                    Dr. Hall's email:
<mailto:meta at acsol.net\hich\af31506\dbch\af31505\loch\f31506> meta at acsol.net

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Dr. L. Michael Hall writes a post on "Neurons" each Monday.  For a free
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click on Meta-Coaching for detailed information and training schedule.   To
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www.metacoachfoundation.org.   For Neuro-Semantic Publications --- clink
Products, there is also a catalog of books that you can download.   

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