[Neurons] 2017 Neurons #21 The Others Matrix: Interpersonal Authenticity

Sun May 7 22:21:13 EDT 2017

From: L. Michael Hall

2017 "Neurons" #21

May 8, 2017

The Matrix Model Series #8

THE OTHERS MATRIX

Becoming Real in Relation to Others

You are not only a human being, one with identity and value, nor are you
only a doer, a person who takes action and develops skills, you are also a
social being.  The sub-matrix of Self addresses your sense of value and
worth (Self, self-esteem).  The sub-matrix of Power addresses your
competencies, talents, skills, abilities to develop skills (Power,
self-confidence).  This next sub-matrix of Others addresses your social
self-your relationships to others, your social skills, your social
understandings and beliefs, your social panorama and much more.

As many people confuse self-esteem and self-confidence, so many also confuse
their social worth with their personal worth.  They confuse their social and
emotional intelligence, the condition of their relationships with their
self-esteem.  This is especially true for people who grow up in
group-oriented cultures (collectivism in contrast to individualist
cultures).  Because of this, they will tend to define themselves in terms of
their group so that their personal value will depend on their social value.
Yet these are two very different concepts.

That you and I are social beings, and that we are inevitably and inescapable
social in our nature, leads to many consequences.  One is that most of our
emotions are social emotions.   Think about all of the emotions that are
relational emotions-love, hate, care, compassion, indifference, dislike,
trust, distrust, kindness, meanness, frustration, affection, and the list
goes on and on.  Another consequence is that nearly all of our activities as
human beings are social activities-connection, betrayal, friendship,
affiliation, competition, collaboration, involvement, being included, being
excluded, trusting, distrusting, open, closed, etc.  Isn't that amazing?

As social beings we also organize ourselves in our cultures so that there
are another whole set of interactions that govern our lives- communication,
persuasion, influence, management, leadership, politics, power relations,
patronizing, democracy, equality, bureaucracy, socialism, etc.  It is here
that your social worth- your value in a given culture, context, environment
whether your ethnic culture, religious culture, business culture,
educational culture, etc.- can be so easily confused with your worth as a
person.  Do you confuse the two?  Are you ready to distinguish them?

Your social worth grows out of the Power matrix- what you can and/or cannot
do that contributes or does not contribute to the group determines the
relative value you have in that social context.  Additionally, it rises and
falls with circumstances and phases in your life span.

The Others matrix focuses on you as a social being.  Here your emotional and
social intelligence is one of the central keys for being effective and
successful in relationships.  Here social knowledge is critical for the good
life-knowing how to connect to people, how to be the kind of person that
others enjoy being around, how to be compassionate and caring, how to be
firm and independent, how to extend yourself for the well-being of others,
how to create healthy boundaries, how to live a moral life in relationship
to others, how to cooperate and even collaborate with others, etc.

NLP inevitably addresses a lot in this area since it is itself a
Communication Model- and one of the first discoveries was the structure of
rapport.  The discovery was made from Virginia Satir and expressed in the
statement that "people like people who are like them."  So making ourselves
like them, that is matching their words, values, beliefs, ways of operating,
etc. generates the sense of being in rapport (connection, bonding) with
others.

Lucas Dirks extended this through creating and articulating the Social
Panorama Model.  Based on the fact that we internally represent things using
sensory-based information (what we see, hear, feel, etc.), he noted that we
often externalize our internal mental maps about people in the way we
gesture and the language we use.  We imagine someone we feel close to by
internally seeing them as close to us.  We talk about others as far away at
some distance and that corresponds to the way we represent them inside our
mind- they are at a distance.

Then there is your self-image, which is primarily your social image.  You
create your self-image mostly from how you see yourself reflected in the
eyes of those around you.  Your social sense of self then creates, at least
in part, your self-image.

The relationship between you as a human being (Self) and you as a social
being in relationship with others (Others) plays a role in so many aspects
of our lives.  Self and Others governs where you put your attention when you
are in a group (the attention meta-program), it influences where you locate
the concept of authority (the authority meta-program), and it also
influences both your sense of morality (how you treat other people) and your
sense of responsibility (where you draw the responsibility for and
responsibility to line).

As a human being, the social dimension of your life critically influences so
many aspects of the life that you live.  It is through others that we become
human as we are socialized to be able to live in community with others.  It
is through others that we engage in business which is essentially working
with and through others.  It is through others and with others that we
experience the richest aspects of life.  It is in relation to others that we
want to make a difference and leave a legacy.  It is in relation to others
that we communicate and relate.  It is in relation to others that you strive
to be a real person, authentic.

For more: See The Matrix Model (2017).  Go to www.neurosemantics.com /
Products / Books

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

               Neuro-Semantics Executive Director 

               Neuro-Semantics International

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO. 81520 USA                             

               1 970-523-7877 

                    Dr. Hall's email:
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