[Neurons] 2017 Neurons #18 The Self Matrix

Mon Apr 24 07:12:58 EDT 2017

From: L. Michael Hall

2017 "Neurons" #18

April 24, 2017

The Matrix Model Series #6

**

THE SELF MATRIX

And Your Unconditional Value

Do you deserve to be here?  Do you deserve the things you have, your
opportunities, your friends, your place in life, your loved ones?  Strange
questions.  Yet people commonly ask themselves these questions.  They wonder
about whether they have a right to exist, to live, to love, to act on their
goals, etc.  These are ontological questions- questions of being.  There are
more.  Who am I?  What is my nature?  What is life about?

In terms of meaning-making, the answer to all of these questions build up
the construct of your self-image and self-esteem.  Now "normally," if you
had parents who graduated from Parenting 101 and got certified that they
were mature enough and skilled enough to parent, then these questions were
answered in a healthy and robust way in how you were parented.  That is, as
they loved and cared for you, as they nurtured and gratified your needs in
an age-appropriate way, you built a healthy mental map about yourself: 

"I am loved and valued.  I count.  I am important.  I am respected and have
the right to be here, and have the challenge to be my best self."

You value yourself as a human being because you are a human being.  There
are no conditions, no "ifs, but, or whens..."  You are a human being and
that makes you innately significant and important.  Consequently, you don't
have to prove anything.  You don't have to meet any conditions to be
acceptable, loved, respected, etc.  You have already met every condition
that's required- you are human.  We call this "self-esteem."

Yet many have some very limiting and unuseful beliefs about self-esteem.
Commonly, we talk about one's self-esteem being high or low.  But either
way, that would make it conditional.  And if conditional, then we have to
ask- What is your self-esteem conditioned upon?  Do you have to be so smart,
so fast, so strong, so pretty, so rich, or what?  "Esteem" speaks about
estimating the value of something, rating the worth of something.  And if
you rate your human worth on anything external like wealth, position,
status, job, etc., then it is conditional and then you ask those ontological
questions- "Am I good enough yet?  Do enough people like me so that I'm
okay?"

Carl Rogers urged that we treat each other with unconditional positive
regard.  No conditions!  You are important because you are human.  The
Jewish, Christian, and Islam faiths begin from the idea that we are all
"made in the image and likeness of God."  Again, no conditions.  You are
born valuable.  You don't have to prove anything, reach any conditions.  You
are free to become your best self.  You are free to express the potentials
and possibilities that are clamoring inside.

Now for those who did not get to construct this kind of healthy self-image
and self-esteem from the beginning, the next question is, "How do you esteem
yourself as unconditionally valuable as a human being?"  And the answer is?
The answer is that you simply assert it.  You declare just as healthy
parenting would declare it and then you act that way.  Act with dignity,
respect, and innate worth.  In Neuro-Semantics we have developed a pattern
for this as we access three states- acceptance, appreciation, and then awe
(unconditional value).  We then apply acceptance and appreciation to our
doing self and then we apply awe to our being self.  This meta-stating
process means that we put our being self inside of the frame of
"unconditional value" and feel a stat of awe about oneself.

For many, doing that is very weird and strange and uncomfortable.  They are
not use to thinking this way or feeling this way about themselves.  That's
okay.  Everything takes some getting used to.  This will require repeating
the process until it begins to feel familiar and comfortable.  If there's
objections in the back of someone's mind and they are asking themselves,
"But is it right?"  "Is it okay?"  "Won't I become selfish or
self-centered?"  These are to be expected.  It speaks about the world that
they have grown up in -one that did not respect their innate sacredness as a
human being.  It speaks about the limiting beliefs that their parents
operated from.  Again, repetition is the key.  Keep doing it.  Keep
repeating the unconditional value assertion.  Just keep asserting this new
frame until it becomes your frame of mind.

Without centering yourself with the dignity assertion that establishes your
unconditional self-esteem, your intention in life will always be to proof
yourself.  And with that as the purpose in the back of your mind, then
whatever you do will have an ulterior motive.  Then you will tend to use
situations and people to be okay, to be a somebody.  Conversely, the healthy
alternative is to start from the frame that your worth is a given.  Then,
having nothing to prove, you are free to express every potential that is
within you to express.

This is the foundation for being centered, for taking criticism positively,
for treating mistakes as a context for learning, for staying open and
defenseless when blackmailed or threaten in some way, and for much more.
And now you know why we start here on Day One of APG (Accessing Personal
Genius).

NEWS ---  NLP CONFERENCE IN LONDON 

              This coming Weekend

              See website for details.

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

               Neuro-Semantics Executive Director 

               Neuro-Semantics International

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO. 81520 USA                             

               1 970-523-7877 

                    Dr. Hall's email:
<mailto:meta at acsol.net\hich\af31506\dbch\af31505\loch\f31506> meta at acsol.net

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