[Neurons] 2014 "Neurons" Meta Reflections #40
L. Michael Hall
meta at acsol.net
Mon Oct 6 08:20:41 EDT 2014
From: L. Michael Hall
Meta Reflections 2014 #40
October 6, 2014
Neuro-Semantics & Therapy Series #3
HEALING THE PERSON
Who needs therapy? What is it that distinguishes a therapy client from a
coaching client? These are the questions that we ask at the beginning of
every Coach Training and especially when training Meta-Coaching for ACMC
credentials.
What distinguishes the population who needs psychotherapy from coaching are
the following:
The person is not okay in him or herself.
The person is not living in the present, but living in the past
(mentally and emotionally that's where the person expends his/her energy).
The person is hurt or wounded or traumatized by something and
that hurt is seemingly still occurring.
The person just wants peace, harmony, equilibrium, the reduction
of stresses and tensions.
The person has low ego-strength for facing the challenges and
problems of life.
By way of contrast the population that is fit for becoming a coaching client
is as follows:
Is okay in self and wants to fully develop and be one's very
best self.
Is in the present and wants to be fully in the present and
creating an even brighter future.
Is in the present and has resolved the problems that occurred in
the past.
Wants challenge, wants dis-equilibriuim, and wants to stretch
and step up to be his or her very best self.
Has the ego-strength for taking on challenges and thriving in
problems, seeing problems as opportunities for being creative.
Not-okay, not here, hurting, and without ego-strength-these are the typical
characteristics of people who need therapy. So the first task is to enable
the person to become okay. Actually to move far beyond just being okay, to
being unconditionally valuable and feeling dignity, respect, love, and care
for one self. This is what Abraham Maslow wrote in Toward a Psychology of
Being (1968) regarding this need to heal the self:
"No psychological health is possible unless this essential core of the
person is fundamentally accepted, loved, and respected by others and by
himself." (p. 196)
"Self-actualization- "all definitions accept or imply, (a) acceptance and
expression of the inner core or self, i.e., actualization of these latent
capacities, and potentialities, 'full functioning,' availability of the
human and personal essence. (b) They all imply minimal presence of ill
health, neurosis, psychosis, or loss or diminution of the basic human and
personal capacities." (p. 197)
The problem with a hurt, especially in the first years of life, is that we
tend to draw false conclusions from it and build limiting beliefs about our
value. We draw the conclusion that we are not okay, and then operate from
that perspective. Then as a limiting belief, it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy. We take the hurt (wound, trauma) as evidence that there is
something wrong with us. Then by not handling it well, we then draw another
conclusion, not only are we not okay in our person, but we are incompetence
and unable to handle things. This sets in play more limiting beliefs- I'm
stuck, this is the way I am, nobody will like me, I'm stupid, there's
something wrong with me but I don't know what, etc.
Then what many people do is take the event that hurt them and keep replaying
it over and over in their minds. Of course, that keeps generating and
re-generating the negative emotions, and by trying to finish the "unfinished
business" they perpetuate it. Then, when it doesn't get resolved, they keep
proving over and over to themselves that there is something inherently wrong
with them. They have wrongly concluded that their "self" is the problem.
"I'm the problem; there's something wrong with me."
Now in NLP and Neuro-Semantics we do not believe that. They are not the
problem. If they have a problem, if they are experiencing a problem in
their thinking, emoting, speaking, behaving, and relating, then their
meanings (or frames) is the problem. The real problem is the kind of
thinking that they have used to create limiting and even distorted meanings
and beliefs. That's the real problem. If I did that kind of
thinking-drawing those conclusions, creating those kinds of beliefs, I would
have the same problems. So when therapy focuses on healing the person, it
focuses on setting new frames of meaning that enables the essential core of
the person so one fundamentally accepts, loves, and respects oneself.
Carl Rogers is now famous for his formulation of the solution- bring to the
client unconditional positive regard. By esteeming the person to be
worthwhile, lovable, and valuable unconditionally we set a frame that allows
one to be grounded and centered in oneself with nothing to prove and
everything to express. This self-esteeming is the key. The Jewish and
Christian (and I think Moslem) faiths do this by asserting that one is
created in the image and likeness of God. Talk about self-value! If your
essence is a reflection of the divine, how much more value or worth do you
want? Humanistic psychology gets to it by asserting that what you are is
different from what you do. We don't rate people- we rate behaviors. This
differentiates self-esteem from self-confidence.
This establishes the person - behavior distinction of NLP and
Neuro-Semantics. You as a person, as a human being, are unconditionally
valuable and to be accepted- no conditions. There's no way to rate that.
What you can do, your skills, competencies, the value that you can
contribute in a certain skill, business, sport, social context, etc. is
conditional. This is a matter of your confidence to do something and can
grow or deteriorate.
A person needs therapy to the extent that he or she has de-valued oneself,
dis-esteemed self, and taken a hurt and concluded (falsely) that he is not
valuable, that she is not worthwhile. The problem was created by rating
one's self as conditional upon something- being smart, pretty, strong, fast,
able to make money, etc. The solution is to reverse that problem. The
solution is to unconditionally value, accept, and appreciate the person.
For many this begins when a therapist brings this attitude to them. To the
healing of persons- may there be more love!
L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.
Neuro-Semantics Executive Director
Neuro-Semantics International
P.O. Box 8
Clifton, CO. 81520 USA
1 970-523-7877
Dr. Hall's email:
<mailto:meta at acsol.net\hich\af31506\dbch\af31505\loch\f31506> meta at acsol.net
What is Neuro-Semantic NLP?
Neurons: Get your free subscription to the weekly International \Post on
Neuro-Semantics by Dr. L. Michael Hall. Subscribe at:
wwww.neurosemantics.com
Solutions: Sign up for the Neuro-Semantic Newsletter ---
<http://neurosemantics.com/newsletter> neurosemantics.com/newsletter.
This is a monthly newsletter for anyone new to Neuro-Semantics. Femke
Stuut, Editor.
Coaching: For world-class Coach Training - The Meta-Coaching System:
www.meta-coaching.org and \
<http://www.metacoachfo/hich/a/hich/af31506/dbch/af31505/loch/f31506%20f3150
6/dbch/af31505/loch/f31506%20undation.org/hich/af31506/dbch/af31505/loch/f31
506/hich/af31506/dbch/af31505/loch/f31506> www.metacoachfoundation.org.
Meta-Coach Reflections sent every Wednesday to the group of Licensed
Meta-Coaches.
Self-Actualization: Neuro-Semantics launched the New Human Potential
Movement in 2007, for information about this, see
<http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org
NSP --- Neuro-Semantic Publications: Order books from Neuro-Semantic
website, <http://www.neurosemantics.com> www.neurosemantics.com click on
Products and Services and then the Catalogue of books. Order via paypal.
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://pairlist8.pair.net/pipermail/neurons/attachments/20141006/1db69799/attachment-0001.html>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image001.png
Type: image/png
Size: 81551 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <https://pairlist8.pair.net/pipermail/neurons/attachments/20141006/1db69799/attachment-0001.png>
More information about the Neurons
mailing list