[Neurons] 2014 "Neurons" Meta Reflection #29

[L. Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall

Meta Reflections 2014 #29

July 28, 2014

Managing Conflict Effectively #2

 

 

 

THE CREATIVITY OF CONFLICT

 

 

Most of the time, for most people, conflict is destructive, and not
creative.  Yet it can be creative.  In fact, it has the possibility of
providing the greatest creativity- if only we learn how to embrace it and
manage it.  This is the potential of conflict.  A potential that most never
experience because they will not travel through the mine-field of conflict.
Yet it is a potential that has been unleashed through effective leadership a
thousand times and so has resulted in tremendous creative developments over
the centuries.  But how?

 

First, How Not - Conflict Avoidance

Given the seeming predisposition to conflict with each other about our
differences- and how unpleasant and distressful conflict is- it's no
surprise that a great many people adopt a particular style in dealing with
conflict.  They adopt the style of avoidance.  They suppress it, they deny
it, they side-step it, and they compromise themselves.  And it works.  Well,
for awhile.

 

One reason it doesn't work long-term is because there will be those who will
take advantage of this.  Knowing that some people fear conflict and will do
almost anything to avoid it, they will keep asking for more and more from
them and giving less and less in return. And that will work until the
conflict avoider reaches his or her threshold and can't take it any longer.
Then the kind of conflict that then emerges will be a kind that is
out-of-control and wild.  And for that reason, it becomes destructive and
counter-productive.  Once you are ready to avoid the avoidance, it's time to
begin to embrace healthy conflicting.

 

Step One - Conflict Embracing

Avoiding conflict is not the way to reduce conflict and certainly not the
way to tap into its creative potential.  The solution is paradoxical.  The
solution for reducing conflict is to embrace it, to work through it, and to
put the conflicting to good use.  In the place of conflict-avoidance, we
have to develop conflict-resolution competencies and skills.  These
competencies entail several things:

           Understanding: A healthy and vigorous understanding of conflict
as something normal and creative.  Begin with the mere understanding that
differences are normal.  It is not only normal and to be expected, it is the
source of our collaboration if we will explore the differences, respect the
persons, and seek to use the differences to complement each other.

           Skills: There are skills for effectively managing conflict so
that the conflicting is in service of the persons and not against the
persons.  What are these skills?  Many involve the basics of healthy
communication: listening, listening to understand, respecting and
appreciating the person, exploring in an open frame of mind, staying calm
and cool, looking for the positive intention of the other person, etc.

           State: The State Management Skills to access and operate from
the best states for resolving the conflict.  If you are not in the right
state for listening, being open, respecting, etc., your skills will not
work.  So you have to have self-composure, self-control, distinguish your
person from your expressions- what you say and do so that you don't feel
threatened by the other's opposition.  We call these state management skills
in NLP, in E.Q. they are described as emotional regulation.

           Strategy: There are strategies for navigating the entire process
of conflict resolution.  An overall strategy provides a way to move through
the emotional stage, help another person defuse or vent, help all of the
parties listen with respect, get the concerns on the table, negotiate for a
win/win solution, etc.

 

Let there be Creativity

Creative solutions typically emerge in the process and most often, not all
at once, but bit by bit.  That's why the process of engaging with respect
and open-minded exploration is the "crucible" context wherein creativity
emerges.  It is like a physical crucible wherein we put raw materials and
iron ore and other ingredients and let them all melt down, boiling off the
impurities until the molten material is ready to be poured into a new
casting to create something new.

 

So with people.  We bring people together and hold the space so that their
strong beliefs and hopes and desires along with their hot emotions of fear
and anger, their distrust and disbelief, can all mix and mingle in the
storming of a group ... until the impurities are boiled off and something
new emerges.  It is the mixing and mingling of diverse views, opinions,
understandings, emotional states, and intentions that creates the conflict
crucible from whence comes creativity.

 

While we know the broad outlines of this process, the process is not precise
and neat and predictable.  But then again, neither is creativity.
Creativity can be wild and unpredictable.  In fact, embracing uncertainty
and holding ambiguity without demanding certainty lies at the very heart of
the creative context and moment.

 

Lots of individuals and companies want to be creative so that they can then
be innovative and on the cutting-edge of new and exciting things.  The
hidden secret for this is conflict- letting idea battle with idea,
perspective fight it out with perspective.  For this you need a crucible
context.  For a group this means ground rules for how to fight fair and to
let everyone fight for the very best idea to emerge, even if it is not your
idea.  And this is why Meta- Group & Team Coaching has become such a
valuable experience for organizations.  We have to learn how to be together
in just the right way to tap into the creativity of differences.

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

                Neuro-Semantics Executive Director 

                Neuro-Semantics International

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO. 81520 USA                             

                1 970-523-7877 

                Dr. Hall's email:
<mailto:meta at acsol.net\hich\af31506\dbch\af31505\loch\f31506> meta at acsol.net


     

    

What is Neuro-Semantic NLP?

Neurons:  Get your free subscription to the weekly International \Post on
Neuro-Semantics by Dr. L. Michael Hall. Subscribe at:
wwww.neurosemantics.com 

 

    Solutions:  Sign up for the Neuro-Semantic Newsletter ---
<http://neurosemantics.com/newsletter> neurosemantics.com/newsletter. 

 This is a monthly newsletter for anyone new to Neuro-Semantics.  Femke
Stuut, Editor.

 

Coaching: For world-class Coach Training - The Meta-Coaching System:
www.meta-coaching.org and \
<http://www.metacoachfo/hich/a/hich/af31506/dbch/af31505/loch/f31506%20f3150
6/dbch/af31505/loch/f31506%20undation.org/hich/af31506/dbch/af31505/loch/f31
506/hich/af31506/dbch/af31505/loch/f31506> www.metacoachfoundation.org.
Meta-Coach Reflections sent every Wednesday to the group of Licensed
Meta-Coaches.

 

Self-Actualization: Neuro-Semantics launched the New Human Potential
Movement in 2007, for information about this, see
<http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org  

 

NSP --- Neuro-Semantic Publications: Order books from Neuro-Semantic
website,  <http://www.neurosemantics.com> www.neurosemantics.com  click on
Products and Services and then the Catalogue of books.  Order via paypal.  

 

 

 

 

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://eight.pairlist.net/pipermail/neurons/attachments/20140728/f4eb4061/attachment.html>