[Neurons] 2010 Meta Reflections #36

[L. Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall

Meta Reflections 2010 – #36

August 2, 2010

History of NLP Series #4

 

 

WHEN THE MAGICIANS WENT TO WAR

 

A few years ago, while thinking about writing a History of NLP, I played
around with the title, When the Magicians Went to War.  Several I spoke to
didn’t like it, and then many did.  And undoubtedly there was a little bit
of mischievousness in me as well to like it.  Anyway I thought I’d use it
for this post in the history of NLP series.

 

The “magicians,” of course, are John Grinder and Richard Bandler and first
went to war in the late 1970s.  I don’t know when the conflict between them
began or even why (except for their egos, see below), but they did and the
lawsuit between them was settled in 1981.  Then a year or two later “The
Society of NLP” went bankrupt and that marked the beginning of the end of
that first era of NLP.  Then in 1981, a lawsuit ended in which Grinder
agreed to train in only six American cities for the following ten years, six
cities that would be agreed upon by Bandler.  Strange?  Yes, very strange.

 

And why couldn’t they get along?  Terry McClendon wrote in The Wild Days of
NLP: 1972– 1981 that Bandler and Grinder “realized that the stage was not
big enough for both of them” and so decided to go their separate ways in
1978 (p. 117).  Undoubtedly there’s a lot more of that story, but I don’t
know it.  Perhaps it was over differences in how they thought about NLP;
perhaps it was over differences in style.  Perhaps it was that each thought
they could do better apart from the other one.

 


>From the court records that came later, Richard began using drugs like

cocaine in the late 1970s after NLP exploded onto the national and
international scene.  And so when “the stage was too big for both of their
egos” and they split, various trainer told me that they guessed that Grinder
signed that lawsuit because he thought Richard would not be alive a decade
later.  That’s what I was told.  And given that Bandler experienced cocaine
drug over-doses in the 1980s several times, it doesn’t seem all that
farfetched.  The article about Richard’s murder trail (1986-1988) in Mother
Jones magazine said that “Bandler bragged about using large amounts of
cocaine” (1989, p. 25) and described his life story as one of “a blur of
fact and fiction, obscured by cocaine and gin...” (p. 27).

 

Whatever happened behind the scenes, what we know publically is that Bandler
and Grinder went separate ways and stopped talking to each other.  And as
the 1980s saw a wild growth of NLP training centers everywhere and then
various Associations around the world and Conferences, both men seem to
avoid such as well as contributing any writings to the journals and
magazines that rose.  Now there is a quotation that I came across some years
ago accredit to Robert Dilts that went something like this: 

“NLP was given birth by two mad-men who modeled three wild individualists
and who they never stayed around to father the community.”

 

All of this has led, over the years, to the charge that many have made:
Bandler and Grinder don’t apply NLP to themselves.  They created a
world-class communication model, but do not or cannot communicate between
themselves and the community that arose from the model.  That was one of the
comments I heard from the very beginning of my introduction to NLP in 1986.
In 1997 at the Visionary Leadership conference that Dilts sponsored with
Judith DeLozier at NLP U., there were even some skits that several people
put on making fun of this very fact and asking why is this.

 

But more recently, Grinder (2001) tried really hard to answer this
complaint.  He wrote the complaint: “Why can the developers of the NLP
communication model not communicate between themselves?”  Then he not only
denied it entirely(!), but turned it around asserting that he and Bandler
“communicate perfectly.”  Yes, you read that right.  Here it is in his own
words:

“We are aware during the last decade plus of a number of criticisms voiced
with the implication that the ‘two great communicators’, Bandler and
Grinder, themselves are not communicating effectively—that they are failing
to use the very tools they created. .... From my point of view at any rate,
Bandler and I are communicating perfectly.  Neither of us has any further
interest in pursuing either a professional nor a personal relationship and
all the signals between us carry precisely this message— communication
complete. ... The evidence for this alleged failure to communicate typically
cited is that Grinder and Bandler don’t agree.  This is absolutely correct—
Bandler and I do not agree.”  (2001, p. 121)

 

So let me see.  When two people won’t talk to each other any longer, that is
“communicating perfectly”!?  So rather than accepting responsibility for the
division and the lack of communication, Grinder argues that he and Bandler
are effectively and perfectly communicating by disagreeing with each other
to such an extent that they won’t even talk to each other!  Amazing.  So in
spite of having engaged in two major lawsuits and refusing to have anything
to do with each other, somehow this is “effective communication?”  It is
“communicating perfectly?”

 

Well, if that’s effective communication, then I hope you and your loved ones
never get to the place of communicating perfectly!  It’s best that you stay
with your current ineffective communicating and at least love each other and
stay together!

 

Whatever happened to the idea that communication refers to people communing
with each other to create a union together?  Yes, when two people say words
about how each do not like the other and do not agree and do not want to
work with each other that may be a clear message, but it is not using the
tools of NLP to create the kind of relationship so that there’s mutual
understanding, respect, and a collaborative spirit.  And for two people who
once worked together to co-create something to move to an absolute refusal
to work together for a greater good even is while disagreeing, why not be
agreeable and pleasant and affirmative of the other person?  That would be a
demonstration of using the very tools that they created to communicate
effectively.

 

Then to make things worse, John wrote in the following paragraphs the
following about him and Bandler and how they are similar:

“... the characteristics that I believe we share: arrogant, unimpressed by
authority or tradition, strong personal boundaries, willingness to try
nearly anything, utterly lacking in self-doubt—  egotistical, playful, full
capability as players in the Acting As If game, full behavioral appreciation
of difference between form and content.” (2001, pp. 121-122)

 

Perhaps this is the problem that keeps them from being able to demonstrate a
respectful attitude toward each other, and toward others in the field with
whom they disagree.  Perhaps it lies in the characteristics of arrogance and
being egotistical.  This certainly does not strike me as something to be
proud about.  That seems like the wrong meta-state in this instance.
Anyway, this is part of the story of when the Magicians went to War ... and
the Cold War that has ensued since— a sad and tragic tale in the discovery
of perhaps the most powerful Communication Model on the planet!  (And yes, I
realize the irony of that last statement.)

 

 

SELF-ACTUALIZATION WORKSHOPS IN 2010

 

In August, 2010

 

What:                          Unleashing Leadership 

When:                          August 19– 21, 2010

Where:                        Auckland, New Zealand 

Time:                           9:00 am — 6:00 pm each day

 


 


Organizers:                 Colin Cox and Lena Gray 

Contact Info.: email:  <mailto:info at gwiztraining.com>
mailto:info at gwiztraining.com <mailto:joe.cheal at gwiztraining.com>
Lena at ignition.org.nz             

                                    phone:             mob:+64 027 4774 561


                                    office: +64 09 950 3379

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In September — 3-5, 6-8, and 10-12

What               Unleashing Vitality —             Sept. 3-5 

                        Unleashing Health —              Sept.  6-8 

                        Unleashing Creative Solutions   Sept. 10-12 

Where             Pretoria, South Africa 

Contact            People South Africa — Cheryl Lucas

 <mailto:cheryl at peoplesa.co.za> cheryl at peoplesa.co.za                       

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                                    Skype: Meta Coach

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In November 2010 — Nov. 15– 16

What:                          Unleashing Potentials

When:                          November 15– 16, 2010

Where:                        Bedfordshire, England

Time:                           9:00 am — 6:00 pm 

 

Organizers:                 Joe and Melody Cheal [
<mailto:joe.cheal at gwiztraining.com> joe.cheal at gwiztraining.com] 

Contact Info.: email:  <mailto:info at gwiztraining.com> info at gwiztraining.com 

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In November 2010 — Nov. 19-21 

 

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Time:                           9 am to 6 pm.

Contact details            Nicola Riva and Lucia Giovannini

                                    mobile: +39 348 5600507

 <mailto:nicola at blessyou.it> nicola at blessyou.it


                                    Discount for enrollment before August
20th.

 

 




 




 

 

 

L.  Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Executive Director, International Society of Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO.  81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

      <http://www.neurosemantics.com/> www.neurosemantics.com 

       <http://www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com/>
www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com 

       <http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org

       <http://www.meta-coaching.org/> www.meta-coaching.org

       www.meta-coachfoundation.org  

       <http://www.ns-video.com/> www.ns-video.com 

 

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