[Neurons] 2009 Meta Reflections #38

[L. Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Meta Reflections #38

Sept. 7, 2009

 

 

 

SELF-ACTUALIZATION-

Hard or Easy; Natural or Supernatural?

 

 

 

Last week I got a call from a person in a highly agitated state who was
quite frustrated:

"Self-actualization is just too much, too hard.  It's stress me out.  How
can I be a Self-Actualization Coach if I can't actualize my own potentials?"

 

This call came from someone who had not been to any of the
Self-Actualization Workshops otherwise she would not have framed things in
that way.  She would not have framed self-actualization as an either/or
choice or made it a thing rather than a process.  Anyway, apart from those
cognitive distortions, the source of her stress was another one- she had
semantically loaded the meaning of "self-actualization" and thereby
over-exaggerated it so that it became far too much and far too big to reach.
And that was the direction I immediately explored with her.

"So what do you think self-actualization is?  When you say that you can't
actualize your own potentials, is there a particular potential that you are
wanting to actualize but having difficulties with?"

 

Actually, I have noticed this in several people.  The way they think about
self-actualization is that it is something more than human, something beyond
the everyday human experience.  Yet it is not.  The term self-actualization
is actually a modest term.  From the perspective of Maslow's  hierarchy of
needs, it is simply your higher needs-needs for that which is uniquely
human: meaning, music, order, structure, contribution, giving love,
fairness, excellence, etc.  And just as the lower needs arise biologically
as an innate and organic facet of your growth and development, so do your
higher needs.

 

It's for these reasons that we don't have to elevate them to make them sound
like something more than a person.  Self-actualization doesn't refer to
something mystical or extraordinary.  In fact, Maslow said that
self-actualization is not a human being with something added.  No.
Self-actualization is a human being with nothing taken away.

 

When you begin living the self-actualizing life, you are simply being true
to yourself-to your nature, to human nature, to your gifts and talents, and
to your highest and best.  You don't need to glorify self-actualization as
if it is just for the few; it is for everyone.  Every baby is wired
biologically to grow, to develop, and to actualize what is potential.  Now
it is true that most people have it beaten out of them by parents and
teachers who skipped "Human Needs 101," or dampened by the way they are
socialized, it is a possibility for all.  And while it does have to be
chosen and purposefully developed, it is for anyone who so chooses and acts.

 

I like to think about self-actualization as seeking to fully and completely
be what you are capable of being.  It is seeking to be fully alive, fully
human.  And yes, I do acknowledge that numerous forces and factors make this
difficult.  There are educational, cultural, religious, psychological, and
political ideas and beliefs that divert us from this and would seduce us to
be something else.

 

For human beings, being fully human is the challenge of our lives!  Why?
Because that means embracing our fallibility (we can be and often are
wrong), our mortality (we are not immortals, we are mortals who are subject
to accidents and illness and who can die at any time), and our spirituality
(we need meaning to live and without significant meaning we lose heart and
become dis-spirited).  And knowing these things (that we are often wrong, we
shall die, and we need meaning) requires a lot of ego-strength.  Otherwise
it activates defense mechanisms against that awareness.  It activates denial
and rejection.  It looks to find something or someone who will save us from
these frightening realities.

 

So instead of being fully fallibly and mortally human- we seek out all kinds
of ways of hiding from the truth.  We pretend that we perfect, above
criticism, loved by all, approved by all, saved by knowledge, saved by
religion, saved by money, saved by popularity, saved by atheism, etc.

 

It is tough being an authentic human being.  Why?  Primarily because being
real or authentic feels vulnerable.  When you are authentically really, you
are authentically aware of being fallible, mortal, and spiritual.  And that
goes against almost everything you learn in being socialized.  Our cultures
teach us to be strong, knowledgeable, on top, successful!  To acknowledge
that there's things we don't know, things about which we're often wrong,
that we make mistakes, misunderstand, misbelieve, mis-speak, misbehave, etc.
violates our Self-Image and Social-Image.

 

Living the self-actualizing life is both easy and hard.  It is easy in that
you were born for it!  It fits your inner nature.  It brings out your
highest values and visions about life and your best skills and competencies.
But it is also hard.  It requires that you know yourself, accept both your
strengths and weaknesses, embrace your humanity, use your fallibility for
ongoing learning and adjustments, and not get lost in your roles, personas,
and social images.  And that's why a commitment to truth- to reality, to
being authentic lies at the heart of actualizing.  Is it any surprise that
truth lies at the heart of the Crucible Change Model?

 

When we ended the call, the lady had a new vision of self-actualization- it
is not some big, mysterious thing, it is being an authentic human being.  It
is starting right now by facing the truth and then living that truth.  It is
creating meaning that you can live by- meaning that will inspire you to be a
more compassion and real human being and then actualizing that in the way
you live your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

--- Meta-Coach Trainings coming 2009 - 2010

 

                                    

1) Sweden

       Sept. 15, 16-23 - Coaching Mastery.  Sweden: Stockholm

       Sponsors: Sara Lee, Niklas Daver, and Helene Nordgen

        <mailto:niklas.daver at gmail.com> sara.m.lee at gmail.com
niklas.daver at gmail.com helene-nordgren at tele2.se 

 

2) New Zealand

      October 1, 2- 9 - Coaching Mastery.  Auckland, New Zealand

     Sponsor: Ignition - Colin Cox and Lena Gray - www.ignition.co.za
<http://www.ignition.co.za/>  

     Lena at ignition.co.za                                               

 

3) South Africa

     Oct. 22, 23-30 - Coaching Mastery.  Pretoria, South Africa

    cheryl at peoplesa.co.za                                

    Cell : 083 267 1412   Tel: 012 362 6542    Fax : 088 012 362 6641

    Skype: meta coach   www.psacoaching.co.za 

                        

4) Australia

       November 19, 20-27 - Coaching Mastery.  Sydney, Australia

      Sponsors: Laureli Blyth and Heidi Heron                  

      Heidi at nlpworldwide.com              Laureli at nlpworldwide.com 

 

5) Australia --- 2010

     March 19 (Leadership Team training) and March 20-27 ACMC Training


     Gold Coast, Australia --- Martin Urban:  61 7  5500 4175

       martin at urbantrainings.com
www.UrbanTrainings.com 

 

 

6) China --- 2010

      Meta-Coaching in two parts --   January 17-22 and May 9-14  (6 days
each time): 

Includes also Module II (Coaching Genius).  

            Guangzhou, China:  Sponsor: Team Huang --- supported by
Neuro-Semantic Trainers: 

Mandy Chai and Wilkie Choi   For Chinese---   yeshow at 163.net .  For English
speakers: 

Mandy Chai: chaimansun at yahoo.com.hk 

 

 

7) Mexico --- 2010

     In two parts --- March 4-7 (March 3 for Team Leaders) and April 15-18
(April 14 for Team Leaders). 

     Sponsor: Salom Change Dynamics-  www.salomchd.com  (55) 30930687 ---
emilia at salomchd.com

 

 

 

Unleashing Leadership Workshop

 

Oct. 17-19, Pretoria South Africa 

            Sponsored by People South Africa --- Cheryl Lucas and Carey
Jooste

            cheryl at peoplesa.co.za      

 

Dec. 11-13, Imola, Italy

            Sponsored by Bless You --- Nicola Rivera and Lucia Giovannini

            Nicola at blessyou.it 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

L.  Michael Hall, Ph.D.

International Society of Neuro-Semantics

Meta-Coach Training System

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO.  81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

1 970-523-5790 fax

      <http://www.neurosemantics.com/> www.neurosemantics.com 

       <http://www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com/>
www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com 

       <http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org

       <http://www.meta-coaching.org/> www.meta-coaching.org

       <http://www.ns-video.com/> www.ns-video.com 

 

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you can  subscribe and unsubscribe there.   Meta Reflection articles by Dr.
Hall are sent out every Monday and meta-Coach Reflections sent out every
Wednesdday to the Meta-Coaches egroup.

 

 

 

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