[Neurons] 2009 Meta Reflections #35

[L. Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Meta Reflections #35

August 17, 2009

 

 

SELF-ACTUALIZATION 

IS NOT ABOUT YOU! 

 

 

 

Of all the misunderstandings about self-actualization, the fact that because
self-actualization begins with the preface "self," has triggered some people
to jump to the false conclusion that it must refer to or mean self-focus,
self-absorption, and self-centeredness.  Nothing could be further from the
truth.  The fact is that self-actualization is not about you; it is through
you.

 

Now therapy is about you.  Consulting is about you, so is training,
hypnosis, and the beginning of coaching.  But effective coaching quickly
moves beyond a focus on the self as it moves into self-actualization.  And
when it does that, it is no longer about you.  It is beyond you to what you
can actualize-what you make real in the world that contributes to others,
that makes a difference.  

 

The other helping professions is about you precisely because it addresses
your inadequacies, deficiencies, lack, and what you need in order to solve
your problems.  We go to therapy for healing from the past, the development
of ego-strength, and the reordering of personality powers that have been
distorted.  We go for training, consulting, etc. in order to learn what we
need to learn to get on with our lives.  And for the same purpose we begin
coaching.

 

But if and when we self-actualize, we get beyond ourselves.  Maslow defined
the self-actualizing life as "transcending self," as having "peak
experience" moments when we sense the larger world, and the world of
meaning.  He said it requires a social context.  Individual
self-actualization is always and inevitably social.  It always involves
other people.

 

The higher needs requires others.  This stands in contrast to the lower
needs in the hierarchy of needs.  Once you know how to cope with the lowers
needs, you can survive by attaining the food and water you need, sleeping,
etc.  You can ensure your own safety and security by learning how to protect
yourself and keep yourself safe.  The exception, of course, is the social
needs and yet even with the need for love and affection, while you need
others to provide that, it is about you- it is about you being loved, being
connected to other people, you being a part of a community. 

 

Deficiency speaks about what you need and so the lower needs are all about
you.  Abundance is the difference that creates the different motivational
nature of the higher needs.  Unlike the lower needs where gratification
makes the need disappear, the drive does not go away with the gratification
of the higher needs.  It grows.  It becomes stronger.  The more beauty you
create, the more beauty you can create and need to create.  So also with
music, meaning, justice, etc.  The drive grows stronger and more compelling.
That's because when you actualize your highest values and meanings and your
best skills and competencies, it is not about you, it is your contribution
and gift to others- a contribution that comes through you.

 

Now you know why there are no self-actualizing hermits.  The hermit life is
about the self.  Yet as a social creature we first need others to become
human, to enter into the human community, and to learn how to meet our
needs.  As social creatures also, when we move to the highest human
needs-the self-actualization needs-we also need others.  But with a
difference.  We need them not to gratify our drives, we need them to be the
receivers of our gifts. We need them to love, to enrich, to contribute to,
to offer the gifts of the being--values (justice, order, goodness,
wholeness, aliveness, playfulness, contribution, excellence, etc.).

 

This is where inter-dependency enters.  For human beings to accomplish great
things inevitably requires inter-dependent actions.  And that means it
requires a community and that explains why we can have self-actualizing
families, companies, groups, corporations, and even nations.  So
self-actualizing leaders and managers are self-actualizing to the extent
that they are not self-absorbed or self-serving.  If a person is a
self-actualizing leader, it is not about him or her- it is about the vision
that the leader is rallying a group of people to and the journey where the
leader is taking them.

 

I wish we had a better term in English for self-actualization, a term that
would indicate the complete realizing and making real of a person's full
potentials for being the best version of him or her.  Until we find or
create such a term, we will have to keep clarifying what self-actualization
meant for Maslow who introduced the term as the highest motivation drive-
making your highest values and best performances real.

 

The transcendence inherent in a self-actualizing life means that you
discover a purpose for your life beyond mere self-serving materialism.  And
that's also why a self-actualizing leader and manager in a self-actualizing
company is not a self-serving person but a person serving the larger good.  

 

Hey, someone ought to write a book about Self-Actualizing Leaders and
Companies!  Oh, yes, I did - and yes, the book will be available August 25.

                        Unleashing Leadership: Self-Actualizing Leaders and
Companies

                                    Volume VI - Meta-Coaching -   $25 plus
shipping

 

            Announcement about this will be forthcoming.

 

 

 

--- Meta-Coach Trainings coming 2009 - 2010

 

                                    

1) Sweden

       Sept. 15, 16-23 - Coaching Mastery.  Sweden: Stockholm

       Sponsors: Sara Lee, Niklas Daver, and Helene Nordgen

        <mailto:niklas.daver at gmail.com> sara.m.lee at gmail.com
niklas.daver at gmail.com helene-nordgren at tele2.se 

 

2) New Zealand

      October 1, 2- 9 - Coaching Mastery.  Auckland, New Zealand

     Sponsor: Ignition - Colin Cox and Lena Gray - www.ignition.co.za
<http://www.ignition.co.za/>  

     Lena at ignition.co.za                                               

 

3) South Africa

     Oct. 22, 23-30 - Coaching Mastery.  Pretoria, South Africa

    cheryl at peoplesa.co.za                                

    Cell : 083 267 1412   Tel: 012 362 6542    Fax : 088 012 362 6641

    Skype: meta coach   www.psacoaching.co.za 

                        

4) Australia

       November 19, 20-27 - Coaching Mastery.  Sydney, Australia

      Sponsors: Laureli Blyth and Heidi Heron                  

      Heidi at nlpworldwide.com              Laureli at nlpworldwide.com 

 

5) Australia --- 2010

     March 19 (Leadership Team training) and March 20-27 ACMC Training


     Gold Coast, Australia --- Martin Urban:  61 7  5500 4175

       martin at urbantrainings.com
www.UrbanTrainings.com 

 

 

6) China --- 2010

      Meta-Coaching in two parts --   January 17-22 and May 9-14  (6 days
each time): 

Includes also Module II (Coaching Genius).  

            Guangzhou, China:  Sponsor: Team Huang --- supported by
Neuro-Semantic Trainers: 

Mandy Chai and Wilkie Choi   For Chinese---   yeshow at 163.net .  For English
speakers: 

Mandy Chai: chaimansun at yahoo.com.hk 

 

 

7) Mexico --- 2010

     In two parts --- March 4-7 (March 3 for Team Leaders) and April 15-18
(April 14 for Team Leaders). 

     Sponsor: Salom Change Dynamics-  www.salomchd.com  (55) 30930687 ---
emilia at salomchd.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

L.  Michael Hall, Ph.D.

International Society of Neuro-Semantics

Meta-Coach Training System

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO.  81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

1 970-523-5790 fax

      <http://www.neurosemantics.com/> www.neurosemantics.com 

       <http://www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com/>
www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com 

       <http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org

       <http://www.meta-coaching.org/> www.meta-coaching.org

       <http://www.ns-video.com/> www.ns-video.com 

 

To sign up for a free subscription to the egroup of Neuro-Semantics
(Neurons) go to  <http://www.neurosemantics.com/> www.neurosemantics.com ---
you can  subscribe and unsubscribe there.   Meta Reflection articles by Dr.
Hall are sent out every Monday and meta-Coach Reflections sent out every
Wednesdday to the Meta-Coaches egroup.

 

 

 

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