[Neurons] 2009 Meta Reflections #33

[L. Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Meta Reflections #33

August 2, 2009

 

 

UN-INSULTABILITY

 

 

 

"You hurt my feelings when you did that!"

            "Well, you hurt my feelings when you said that!"

            "You should apologize to me!"

            "No, it is you who should apologize to me!"

 

I overheard that exchange in Starbucks the other day.  And it went on and on
as they argued about who hurt the other one the most!  Finally one stood up,
pushed the chair into the table with a big thud and said, "I'm not going to
take this insult any more!"  And with that, stormed out.

 

Whoooa!  That's when my thoughts turned to the "Taking Criticism Positively"
pattern.   Early in NLP someone developed that pattern.  And why not, if
you're busy doing anything significant or if you're not doing anything, you
are going to be criticized.  Someone will take you to task for what you are
saying and doing.  How you then respond in your communications will then
determine if you can come to an understanding of each person's point of view
and work things out, or not.   And to respond effectively almost always
requires that you say something, that you communicate with them.  So that
pattern was about how to think and frame "criticism" in your own mind so
that you can "take it positively"- that is, look for the positive intent,
match the person's words and state, find out the validity of their point,
and see what can bring a resolution to the situation. 

 

The result of this suggests that to take criticism positively, you can do
the following:

1) Reframe "criticism."  Change the frame so that you move it from meaning a
threat or danger to you so that it means that another person simply has some
negative thoughts about what you said or did.

 

2) Recode criticism.  Notice how you represent the "criticism" in the
theater of your mind and edit the cinematic features so that you see, hear
and then feel it in a different way.  How close or far are your images?  How
loud or quiet is the voice?  What words are you repeating to yourself?  What
tone of voice?  Any other sounds like music playing?  How big is the person
in relationship to you?  What happens when the words sound like Elvis
Presley singing?  Or Bugs Bunny?  Or Elmer Fudd?  What if you edit the words
so they are spoken in a sexy tonality?   And what happens if you see the
critic in diapers with a rattle in hand throwing a tantrum?

 

3) Positive intention.  And what if you also know that behind every action
is some positive intention?  If you set that frame and operate from the
intention of finding those intentions in others, then every "criticism"
offers you a chance to engage in an exploration!  You may have to scratch
your head a lot and ask lots of questions to find out, and in the meantime
the person's "criticism" fails to push buttons or make you the puppet of
someone else's string pulling.

 

This is the basic NLP approach.  In Neuro-Semantics we have taken this
further.  We focus on accessing a meta-state of un-insultability.  This
refers to accessing a state wherein you are beyond insult, un-insult-able.
What would you need to think, believe and feel so that there is no "insult."
Have you ever been in such a great state and someone tried to insult you and
it just didn't effect you at all?  Suppose a drunk on a street corner said
critical things to you as you enter a theater to receive an award?  How much
insult would you take then?

 

The process for un-insultability involves several things:

4) Unconditional self-value.  What if you knew both in your mind and in your
body that your worth, value, importance, dignity, and self-hood was
unconditional?  What if you set a frame of meaning that who and what you are
as a human being is not conditioned upon any temporal factor like looks,
money, status, degrees, clothes, etc.?  What if you knew and felt in every
fiber of your being that your esteem as a human being is that of a sacred
and precious being and that it is above and beyond your actions, behaviors,
experiences, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, relationships, etc.?  Wouldn't
that be a great state to operate from?

 

5) Self-Acceptance.  And what if you also operated from a frame of mind and
state of acceptance of life as it is?  That would end the fight.  That would
unplug the buttons that could "get" you.  When you fully accept your
fallibility, mortality, and humanity, then what "button" can anyone push to
rattle your cage?

 

6) Playfulness.  Now it can become a respectful and playful game of
discovery rather than that of one-up-manship.  First by making the
button-pushing game fail, you can surprise the criticizer.  Now some
respectful humor can lighten things up.  So if someone calls you "a
son-of-a-bitch!" you can now playfully agree,  "Yeah, I know.  What kind of
a son-of-a-bitch am I specifically today?"  "And am I a loveable
son-of-a-bitch or just a fun-loving one?"

 

The Boy Potential in The Matrix movie said, "There is no spoon."  Similarly,
"there is no insult."  And that's especially true for the person who lives
in the Matrix of Uninsult-ability.  So if you know The Matrix Model (2003)
and have been trained in it, then you can use it to reload your Matrix and
live in a world where there are no insults.  "Insults" is a man-made
experience only available to those who live in the Insult Matrix.  Here's to
the unleashing of your uninsult-ability!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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L.  Michael Hall, Ph.D.

International Society of Neuro-Semantics

Meta-Coach Training System

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO.  81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

1 970-523-5790 fax

      <http://www.neurosemantics.com/> www.neurosemantics.com 

       <http://www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com/>
www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com 

       <http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org

       <http://www.meta-coaching.org/> www.meta-coaching.org

       <http://www.ns-video.com/> www.ns-video.com 

 

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