[Neurons] 2009 Meta Reflections #19

[L. Michael Hall]

From: L. Michael Hall

2009 Meta Reflections #19

April 27, 2009

 

 

WHY ALL OF THE TEASING?

 

 

A Neuro-Semantic wrote to me a few months ago and told me that one of the
participants in his trainings had bought some of the CDs and DVDs of
Neuro-Semantic NLP Trainings from Tom Welch ( <http://www.nlp-video.com)/>
www.nlp-video.com or www.ns-video.com) and had watched me train various
programs.  Afterwards she came to a training and asked the trainer, "I don't
understand why Michael Hall teases so much in the trainings?  Can you
explain that?"  The trained told me what she said, but then asked, "Is that
right?  And, by the way, why do you?"

 

Ah, yes, the neuro-semantics of teasing.  What's that all about?  Why do
that?  What's the purpose?

 

Teasing is an interesting relational interaction and state.  It is playful,
light, questioning, explorative, and curious.  Healthy teasing requires that
you respectfully tease, and let the person that you are teasing have the
sense that you are teasing.  So you wink, or lift up your eye-brow, or put a
lilt in your voice or something to let them know, "Hey, I'm just jesting
with you.  I'm playing around; will you play with me about this?"  That's
the feel of teasing-playfulness, respectful playing around with an idea,
experience, understanding, and so on.

 

And yet, with teasing, we are able to get to the heart of some "touchy"
things, sensitive things, and address them.  We can do it with teasing
whereas a serious or direct approach might offend and make the exchange far
too serious.  That explains some of my teasing.  With teasing, I generally
tease about a number of experiences:




I.                   Capacity          -        "Can you do that?"  "Are you
man enough to do this?"  "You?!"

II.                Decision/Choice -     "Will you do that?  No, forget it."
"Do you really want this?!"

III.             Determination -        "Nay, you can't do that!  You'll
forget."

IV.             Identity           -        "You'd be too powerful.  The
world's not ready for you this resourceful."

V.                Resilience        -        "You'll make excuses and quit!"

 

I do this in order to provoke, tease, challenge, urge, and test a person so
that the person begins to fight for what he or she wants from the inside to
the outside.  I do that because I know that to integrate and solidify a
change, a new way of operating, a new choice for transformation, the person
has to fully own the choice.  It must not be mine, or even facilitated by me
to them, but truly and uniquely theirs.  So to enable that, I tease.  I play
with them in order to invite them to Choice Point.

 

"So with this new belief (or decision, understanding, principle, definition
of self, direction, meaning, etc.), you are going to keep this?  You like
this?"

"Yes!" [the validation frame that accepts and welcomes it in.]

 

"Really?  You're going to do this?   You?" [Teasing frame, pushing,
challenging.]

"Yes, I am!" (The "yes" validation frame again.]

 

"Nah, not you.  You won't do it.  You'll quit." [Teasing, challenging
frame.]

"I will not quit.  I'll show you!" [Determination frame, competitive frame.]

 

"Well, I'm going to take it away from you!!  You're not ready for this!"
[Teasingly pushing even more to see how much determination the person has.]

"No you can't.  It's mine!" [ownership frame]

 

"No, I led you to this, it is mine.  And I don't think I'll let you have it.
It's mine and the world is not ready for you!" [Testing the ownership frame]

"Try it!  You can't take it away from me!" 

 

And so it goes.  Tease, tease, push, challenge, provoke-all in the spirit of
playfulness and respect and all designed to enable the person to choose, to
take ownership, to integrate, and to map out the pathway from this point out
in the world and into the future when I won't be there.  Has the new
meanings that the person has mapped out-will those meaning frames last,
sustain, persevere?  Will the person persist and bounce back resiliently
when he or she encounters the challenges of others, of life, of reality?

 

Playful teasing also does something else.  It lightens things up and
transforms an overly-serious attitude into a lighter one.  And that's
important.  "Why?" you ask.  Because typically when we humans get serious,
we get stupid.  Isn't that true of you?  It's certainly been true of me.
And all you have to do is take a close look at any fundamentalist of any
brand -religious, political, psychological, etc.  Anyone who thinks that
their map of the world is the real one, the true one, the one and only one
is on their way to thinking that their thoughts and beliefs are infallible.
And when that happens, they are one step away from think that they know
God's inner plans and so they are ready to play God with the lives of
others.  And the step after that is that they become an inquisitor of those
who disagree.

 

Humor, playfulness, and teasing saves us from the god delusion and from
fun-dam-mentalism (as Dr. Bob likes to pronounce it!).  So that's why I like
to tease.  It's transformative.  It's creative.  It's human and humane.  Oh,
yes, there's another reason, it's fun!

                                    

To the unleashing of your Fun with Clients!

 

 

 

**  Want to do Modules II and III of Meta-Coaching in June in beautiful
Colorado?

            Write for brochure and registration form--- and still get the
early bird prices.

 




 

 

 

 

L.  Michael Hall, Ph.D.

International Society of Neuro-Semantics

Meta-Coach Training System

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO.  81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

1 970-523-5790 fax

      <http://www.neurosemantics.com/> www.neurosemantics.com 

       <http://www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com/>
www.neuro-semantics-trainings.com 

       <http://www.self-actualizing.org/> www.self-actualizing.org

       <http://www.meta-coaching.org/> www.meta-coaching.org

       <http://www.ns-video.com/> www.ns-video.com 

 

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