[Neurons] Meta Reflections #57

[meta]

L. Michael Hall

Meta Reflections #57

Dec. 31, 2007 



META-STATING

PARADOXICAL STATES




A paradox is only a seeming contradiction. It is not a real contradiction. It only seems like a contradiction. And it seems that way when we do not, or cannot, separate levels. That's what creates the apparent contradiction. We are thinking about things in either-or terms, as black-or-white, as this-or-that. We are thinking linearly about something which is what traps us in the frame of polar opposites.

Everything changes as soon as we shift from linear thinking to the non-linear thinking of meta-states. When we shift to thinking in terms of levels we can recognize the role of reflexivity in our human states. Then the paradox disappears or is resolved. (It is not "solved," but resolved.) Actually, the term "'paradox" suggests this. Paradox comes from two Greek words- para (besides, alongside of) and dokein (to think). So paradox literally refers "thinking besides or alongside of." And that's the problem. We are putting two thoughts alongside of each other on the same level, on a continuum that has two polar opposites, and this is what creates the seeming contradiction.

That's why many meta-stating processes and results seem paradoxical. In the previous Reflections I've given a few examples. Here are some more. 

Successful failures or successful mistakes. Because we often learn best through "trial and error learning." That is, we learn best from what doesn't work. This enables us to shift and refine our responses until we find what does work. To accelerate our learning we have to become comfortable with making mistakes, learning from mistakes, welcoming mistakes, even making more mistakes so that we can learn quicker and more efficiently. So what about this as a goal for the new year? For perfectionists it will be a significant stretch goal. 

"In the new year I will learn to become more comfortable with mistakes, and in fact, to make more useful and informative mistakes."

Does this seem paradoxical? True success requires making mistakes and learning from our failures. And that requires being open and comfortable with mistakes. Of course, many people will have to first unlearn their old associations. They will have to unlearn the habit of connecting a sense of threat or danger with "mistakes." So as a performance task, why not set a goal of a daily mistakes quota? Set a goal of making 7 mistakes a day.

If you do, then to be successful you will have to meet your quota of failures. If at the end of the day you have not reached your quoted, that is, you have failed at making a sufficient number of mistakes, you keep trying and make a few more mistakes so that you can successfully reach your goal. If you do and learn from them, you will have succeeded in experiencing successful mistakes.

If you put success and mistakes or failure on the same level, you create a contradiction. Is it success or failure? But when you succeed at using your mistakes effectively for learning, development, growth, and refinement of skill then the higher category above the mistake is success. You succeed at failures.

An opposite meta-state would be failing at success. There are many people "successful" at the primary level of life in terms of money, status, fame, etc. and yet they fail at their success. How do they do that? Perhaps they misuse their success. They fail at financial or business success by thinking that it somehow makes them a success as a person. Yet if they are cruel, unethical, prejudiced, etc. then they fail at being a decent human being.

The permanency of change. Today we often hear people talk about "change as the only constant." Or that "there is nothing permanent except change." These statements may seem a bit paradoxical given that things which are constant and permanent are opposite to things that change and are in flux. Yet when we put change as a member of the class of permanent things, the paradox disappears.

It is when we contrast permanency and change that we get a seeming contradiction. "You're always wanting to change things, change for change sake; we need to stop changing things so we can develop something solid enough to be dependable and constant." 

What can you do if you find yourself with a problem that seems to be unsolvable? Suppose you have one of those either-or problems that forces you to choose one thing over the other: mind or body, mind or emotions, nature or nurture, selfish or unselfish, self or others, matching or mismatching, global or specific, etc. What can you do?

First, put the so-called opposites on a continuum and name the continuum using a positive attribution. Make it a virtuous continuum. So if the problem is lazy or active, put lazy and active on a continuum. Now using your best creativity, search for a way to view the continuum as a valued or virtuous continuum. To do that you will usually need to change the semantically-loaded term "lazy" with something more neutral, say, "inactive."

Next, with a continuum that runs from inactive to active, what would be a positive term for this continuum? Perhaps relaxation. Or perhaps responsiveness. If so, then inactive becomes high level relaxation or low level responsiveness. Now "laziness" is a masterful ability to relax! If we then intentionally use the negative semantic terms for each end of the continuum like laziness or reactivity, we can resolve what would otherwise be a paradox. Lazy responsiveness, relaxed reactivity, inactive reactivity, reactive laziness. And would this meta-stating create paradox only, or also humor? Ah, the subject of Meta Reflections in the new year.

__________________

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L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.
Neuro-Semantics Ltd., Executive Director
ISNS - International Society of Neuro-Semantics
P.O. Box 8
Clifton, Colorado, 81520 USA
www.neurosemantics.com 
www.meta-coaching.org
www.self-actualizing.org 

Email: meta @onlinecol.com @acsol.net @mindfocus.co.za
(970) 523-7877
(970) 523-5790 FAX
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